News Undrafted DIII Quarterback Replaces Colin Kaepernick Replaces Russell Wilson Replaces Robert Griffin III Replaces Andrew Luck As Fresh Face of NFL Playoffs
Expected to taking over for Atlanta in a set of circumstances no crazier than Kaepernick continuing to start over a healthy Alex Smith, the unheralded benchwarmer from a Division III college will soon run, gun, and slash his way to an NFC Championship Game win against the Niners, making him the new young quarterback everyone won't shut up about.
"Colin Kaepernick used to be the NFL's next big star, but that's what we said about Russell Wilson, and about Robert Griffin III, and earlier that afternoon about Andrew Luck," said ESPN analyst Tom Jackson. "Logically this new kid is the future of football itself, just because he's the best not-old quarterback on a 2012 playoff team."
This new guy who you don't even know the name of yet will be one of this year's two Super Bowl quarterbacks. That means two full weeks of analysts talking up his upside, even though the upside of every fresh face of the 2012 NFL Playoffs has been weaker than the last one.
"Nothing proves that Colin Kaepernick can't win games in the NFL more than the way Colin Kaepernick won last week's NFL game," said fellow analyst Ron Jaworski. "He's been skating by with a gunslinging quarterback style, similar to Wilson and RGIII and Luck's gunslinging quarterback styles, that doesn't have the staying power of this new kid's gunslinging quarterback style."
Drunk broadcasting is entertaining for all.
The Falcons watch a lot of "Super Troopers" in the film room.
Arizona, Atlanta. What does it matter? All pointless NFL teams are the same.
"It was my goal when I purchased the Falcons 10 years ago to bring this franchise its first Super Bowl title," said Falcons owner Arthur Blank. "Unfortunately, that hasn't happened yet. But last Sunday, when Bobby Petrino's helmetless head slid along the pavement at a high speed, I think I can speak for all Falcons fans in saying that it was almost as great as a Super Bowl title, if not even greater."
Falcons staff members have already gone to the stretch of road in rural Arkansas where Petrino crashed with a young, female staffer riding with him, and dug up the patch where the Razorbacks coach slid to a stop.
"The awesome thing is that you can see some of Bobby's blood still on the rocks," said Blank. "I think our fans are really going to love it."
Whoa. Imagine how upset he gets about SEC football.
Opinion Angry Birds: NFL Edition
"The Falcons organization has given me so much," Favre said in a statement. "Atlanta drafted me, and the team even let me attempt four passes during the 1991 season. Sure, none of the throws were completions and two were picked off but I'll never forget the unflagging loyalty this organization and its fans showed me."
The statement continued:
"Plus, the Falcons gave me the opportunity to play home games at a legendary home field like Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium or wherever the hell it was they played then. It really made me feel connected to the history of the game. Some of my best memories are in Atlanta. In fact, some of my only memories are there because I wasn't drunk and on painkillers the whole time."