Filed Under » Atlanta Falcons

The Atlanta Falcons today announced that they will retire the stretch of cement and gravel that nearly tore off the face of Arkansas Razorbacks head coach Bobby Petrino last week.

“It was my goal when I purchased the Falcons 10 years ago to bring this franchise its first Super Bowl title,” said Falcons owner Arthur Blank. “Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened yet. But last Sunday, when Bobby Petrino’s helmetless head slid along the pavement at a high speed, I think I can speak for all Falcons fans in saying that it was almost as great as a Super Bowl title, if not even greater.”

Falcons staff members have already gone to the stretch of road in rural Arkansas where Petrino crashed with a young, female staffer riding with him, and dug up the patch where the Razorbacks coach slid to a stop.

“The awesome thing is that you can see some of Bobby’s blood still on the rocks,” said Blank. “I think our fans are really going to love it.”

After reports that Brett Favre had again filed retirement papers with the NFL league office, it is now confirmed that the NFL legend is first signing a one-day contract so he can retire as a member of the Atlanta Falcons, the team for which he made his NFL debut.

“The Falcons organization has given me so much,” Favre said in a statement. “Atlanta drafted me, and the team even let me attempt four passes during the 1991 season. Sure, none of the throws were completions – and two were picked off – but I’ll never forget the unflagging loyalty this organization and its fans showed me.”

The statement continued:

“Plus, the Falcons gave me the opportunity to play home games at a legendary home field like Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium or wherever the hell it was they played then. It really made me feel connected to the history of the game. Some of my best memories are in Atlanta. In fact, some of my only memories are there because I wasn’t drunk and on painkillers the whole time.”