2006: "Perfect storm of events" blesses Arizona with Matt Leinart
It must have been the chic city of Indianapolis that caused the change.
Who wouldn't want to be with a guy smart enough to give away his number to hundreds of thousands of people?
He was last spotted on I-10 heading west, still carrying the football and running full speed, a few miles from the California border.
"I wish he hadn't decided to run away forever, but I actually expected it to happen a long time ago," said head coach Ken Whisenhunt. "The fact he stayed here this long shows what a great guy he is. I wish him nothing but the best. And it can really only get better for him away from here."
Whisenhunt briefly, and weakly, called after Fitzgerald after he ran off the field.
"Wait. Wait, Larry. Don't go," said the head coach in a barely audible monotone. "You can still accomplish a lot here. Ah, hell. Nevermind. Go. Go and be free. You deserve so much more."
Several of Fitzgerald's teammates decided to flee the Cardinals with him, but most tired before they even reached the parking lot and had to defeatedly wander back to the field to continue practicing with their fellow terrible teammates. Quarterbacks John Skelton and Ryan Lindley never made it out of the stadium because they couldn't figure out how to work the door.
God needs to spend more time helping Larry Fitzgerald get a quarterback.
Arizona, Atlanta. What does it matter? All pointless NFL teams are the same.
The smegma buildup is mainly Kevin Kolb's fault.
In fairness, she is the co-host of "The Arizona Fking Morning Show."