Filed Under » Andy Reid

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid spoke candidly with reporters today about his team’s failures and admitted that he has thought about the likelihood that he will be fired.

“Losing your job comes with the territory in the NFL,” said Reid. “But in my case, the logistics do cause some additional worries. For example, I’d want to make a dignified exit if I lose my job, but what if I get stuck in the door frame? It’s happened to me before — frequently, in fact, and it can be pretty embarrassing.”

Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie admitted that Reid’s size has helped him stay employed in the past.

“There are times before that I wanted to can him,” said Lurie. “After we went 6-10 in 2005 and when we went 8-8 in 2007, in particular. But this franchise invested so much money on various lifts, scooters, specially-made chairs and furniture, floor reinforcement, doorway and hallway widening and the like to accommodate Andy’s girth that it made sense to stick with him. But his time may be running out.”

Yet while acknowledging that his team has played below expectations this season, Reid said his long-term situation in Philadelphia is ultimately his decision.

“What if I just sit in my desk recliner in my office and refuse to leave?” said Reid. “There’s nothing they could do to get me out of there.”

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid stepped forward after the the Eagles latest lost and took the blame for his role in being terrible at his job.

“At the end of the day, me being awful at what I am paid to do is on me,” said Reid. “It might be easy to point the finger at someone else, but I’d probably even do that wrong.”

Reid has failed to win a Super Bowl in his 13 seasons at the helm in Philadelphia, and has only led his team to one Super Bowl in nine playoff appearances. His offensive scheme, staff decisions, clock mismanagement and curious late-game decisions have routinely sabotaged the Eagles.

“It’s almost mathematically impossible to go to one Super Bowl in nine tries. You know, there’s a known football axiom about no one person winning or losing a game for a team,” said Reid. “I am the exception that proves that rule. I can think of dozens of games that we would have won had I called in sick to work that day. I am truly dreadful.”

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid announced today that third-string quarterback Mike Kafka, a fourth round pick out of Northwestern, would be the Eagles starter for the remainder of the season.

“Kevin Kolb and Mike Vick have played to a tie,” said Reid. “There’s no way I can choose between them. So Kafka is our guy going forward.”

Several of the team’s veteran players have reportedly tried to talk Reid out of the decision, but the 12-year head coach is set in his thinking.

“Every time we’ve put in a new guy at quarterback, he’s played better than the guy before him,” said Reid. “Vick played better than Kolb and now Kolb is playing better than Vick. It seems logical to me to that Kafka will be better than either of them.”

Philadelphia Eagles coaches and players expressed disappointment today after head coach Andy Reid reported to training camp 174 pounds overweight.

“I love the guy,” said quarterback Kevin Kolb. “But he looks terrible. We have a long season ahead of us and he’s clearly in no shape to be able to give his best. Unless he drops 165 pounds or so in the next six weeks, I don’t see how we can keep him.”

Reid says his track record of success and years of service to the team should give him the benefit of the doubt.

“I’ve won a lot here,” he said. “And I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know what my body can handle. I’ll be ready for the season. Trust me. And I think my weight is an advantage at my position. My body can feed off of itself while I put in late nights during the season watching film and writing up game plans. I don’t need to take breaks to eat. I still do anyway. Many, many times each hour I’m there. Eating. Stuffing my face.. But I think my point stands.”

But many Eagles do not accept Reid’s explanation.

“The offseason is supposed to be our time off,” said offensive lineman King Dunlap. “But if we show up here on the first day of work overweight by a few pounds, we get in trouble. Yet he can walk around like a giant sack of sh-t, shoving hot dogs in his mouth like he’s at Coney Island on the Fourth of July and everything is okay? I thought coaches were supposed to lead by example, no? Well then put down the sticky buns for a minute, lard ass.”

Reid says he should be exempt from any team punishment or fines because he attended all of the team’s voluntary and mandatory off-season workouts.

“I was there every day,” he said. “They put out a delicious spread in the locker room. So of course I was there. Free cheese squares? With ranch dressing dip? Umm … yes. You couldn’t keep me away.”

Andy Reid’s questionable clock management left the Eagles with zero time on the clock midway through the third quarter against the Cowboys, allowing Dallas to take the field without an opponent for the final 21:48 of the crucial divisional battle.

Thanks to the unique strategy, the Cowboys were able to overcome a three-point third quarter deficit and win the game.

“I’m not going to apologize,” said Reid after the game. “You have to make those decisions in the moment. You know you can get second-guessed after the game, but that’s the nature of the business.”

In fact, a defensive Reid said he should be complimented if anything.

“No one mentions how I was able to use almost twice the amount of clock that Dallas was in the first half in the same amount of time,” he said. “That’s remarkably efficient. What other coach can do that?”

Reid used all of his timeouts and challenges during Philadelphia’s first offensive series of the game, then set about having his team eat clock in hopes of preserving its four-point lead early in the second quarter.

“I’m not going to coach thinking we’re going to cough up a lead,” said Reid. “I have confidence in this team. So it’s my job to keep that game clock moving as quickly as possible without any stoppages.”

The Eagles went into halftime several minutes before Dallas, enabling a Cowboys’ field goal before the scheduled half, and then set about blowing through the rest of the clock when they emerged for the second half.

“I learned my lesson at the end of Super Bowl XXXIX against the Patriots,” said the Reid. “I’d rather be out of time completely than have to rely on some sort of two-minute drill. What team can possibly hope to do anything in two minutes? It’s absurd.”

Reid says he will not change his approach going forward.

“Unless they let me use timeouts and challenges I have in future games — and I have petitioned the league about this numerous times,” said Reid. “I see no reason to change. The league says it’s to protect me from myself, but the suits in the league office clearly don’t understand the intricacies of clock management.”