News Report: Dwight Howard and Andrew Bynum Considering Signing with One Team in Disappointing Package Deal
"Their agents have already put out feelers with some teams that have cap space," said one general manager. "I laughed and hung up the phone. Well, first I laughed, then I said they could market themselves as The Faulty Towers, and then I hung up the phone. But I wouldn't be surprised if some of the more incompetent GMs take a look at them."
While both Howard and Bynum have enormous potential, it would be shocking if even one of the players gets close to reaching his ceiling. But Bynum says his days in the NBA are far from over.
"I want to be the next Shaq," he said. "The version of Shaq that was fat and only played half the year and didn't work on his game. He still made good money, right? Yeah, I want to be him. And I think I can do it. I'm in the worst shape of my life right now."
Picture Andrew Bynum is Still Experiencing Major Hair Issues
At least his knees aren't the worst part of his body.
Picture Andrew Bynum's Hair is Worse Than His Knees
It's the worst Sixers thing since Shawn Bradley.
News Andrew Bynum Parks on a Handicapped Person
"I don't like using my parking brake because I don't want to wear it out, so I figured having this dude wedged under my tires would keep the car from rolling," said Bynum. "It was only for a couple minutes. I just wanted to get a Snapple."
Edna Sanchez, the elderly, wheelchair-bound woman that Bynum parked on, said she was wheeling through an empty handicap spot in order to get to her car, which was parked one spot over.
"Next thing I know, a car speeds up, slams on the brakes, backs up, points right at me, revs it's engine for a few seconds and then almost jumps right on top of me," Sanchez told an NBC-4 reporter while still under Bynum's car. "It was pretty upsetting. But then after he stepped on my face getting out of the car, I saw it was Bynum who parked on me. So I yelled: 'Go Lakers!'"
Video A Very Realistic Video Game Portrayal of Andrew Bynum
This is probably the best way for him to not get injured.
News Andrew Bynum Feeling 100-Percent After Having Fluid Drained from His Penis
Los Angeles Lakers center Andrew Bynum says he feels 100-percent for Game 6 of the NBA Finals after having a substantial quantity of fluid drained from his penis last night in a procedure in the parking lot outside of a Santa Monica Cheseecake Factory.
"I wish I had this done before," said Bynum, sitting in his Escalade after the fluid was drained. "I feel amazing. My knee feels amazing. Everything feels amazing."
While Bynum's recent knee drainings were performed by Lakers team physician Dr. Steve Lombardo, the penis draining was conducted by Tara, a USC student who introduced herself to Bynum in the Cheesecake Factory bathroom hallway.
"Or maybe her name was Mandy and she goes to Pepperdine," said Bynum. "I can't remember. That could have been her friend. Either way, I got her cell number — I put her name in my phone as 'Cheesecake Girl'. I think I'll give her a call later today. I'm feeling more fluid buildup."
Jenny, the UCLA student who did the procedure on Bynum, says she hopes her work enables Bynum to play better.
"I'm a huge Lakers fan and I want them to win!" she said. "That's why I've done the same procedure on Ron Artest, Luke Walton, Kobe and Adam Morrison."
