Coincidentally, Charlie Sheen's next acting job will also be in Turkey.
Opinion If NBA Players Used Foursquare
NBA free agent Allen Iverson has struck a 10-minute deal with Ruby Tuesday restaurant hostess Lisa Tierney.The deal pays Tierney a base level of two months rent in exchange for fornication in the restaurant’s stockroom.
“When Allen came to Lisa Tierney, he said he wanted to stay in Lisa Tierney, and today he makes good on his promise,” said Leon Rose, Iverson’s agent.“This deal ensures that Allen won’t be going anywhere for the next 10 minutes.”
The deal is backloaded with multiple incentives, including an additional orifice penetration if Iverson performs at an All-Star level.Iverson also negotiated for an out clause after seven minutes, allowing him to wade back into free agency waters.And he has an option to pick up an additional 5 minutes of intercourse at the end of 10 minutes if he so chooses.
The deal almost never came to pass.
“There was an awful lot of posturing at the beginning,” Rose admits.“First, Allen held out.Then, Lisa held out.Then, Allen held out some more.Then, Lisa held out a little more after that.But then, we all bore down and hammered it out.Allen and Lisa came together at the very last minute.In my experience, that’s usually how these backdoor deals get done.”
But rival agents say the deal artificially drives up the market for player groupie payoffs.
“Two months rent?” said longtime agent Gus Franklin.“That’s absurd.A steak dinner is the MAXIMUM amount a floozie should be paid at that slot.”
At a press conference announcing the deal, Iverson appeared jovial.
“This was never about money,” he said.“This was about passion.I knew, when I saw Ms. Tierney, that her womanhood was where I wanted to be.I definitely want to finish out my career in this vagina.”
Allen Iverson, whose time with the Memphis Grizzlies lasted just three games, has fired God as his agent the deity Iverson credited for bringing him to Memphis.
"God chose Memphis as the place I will continue my career," Iverson wrote on Twitter back in September.
Now he wishes he had never been mixed up with God.
"He promised me everything if I just listened to Him," said Iverson. "He promised me heaven. He promised me eternity. And then I get to Memphis and I'm sitting on the bench? That's a long way from heaven."
Iverson, a 14-year NBA veteran, says he should have known better than to get himself mixed up with God.
"There are so many agents out there who promise you things they just can't deliver on," said Iverson. "They have no track record, no experience. I should have sniffed it out. It was a rookie mistake. It's not like God is placing his clients in all of these great places. Definitely not in the NBA. And, hell, even in other sports. Even Kurt Warner plays for the Arizona Cardinals, man."
Iverson also didn't care for God's insistence that he tithe 10-percent of his income on top of his 10-percent agent's cut.
"Do you want to know His second choice after the Grizzlies?" Iverson said. "He wanted me to play in Israel.Israel, man, Israel. He was talkin' bout Israel. Not in the NBA, not in America. Israel."
August 28, 2009 Column
Tweet of the Week
Tweet of the Week
From @alleniverson AKA NBA guard Allen Iverson
NBA free agent Allen Iverson spent all day today keeping it real, the 2,548th straight day he has done so. The mark is thought to be a record for keeping it real for consecutive days by an athlete.
“How have I done it? I’m not sure,” said Iverson. “I’m just trying to keep it real, you know?”
Iverson’s string of keeping it real dates back to July of 2002, when he ended a streak of 1,194 days of keeping it real at that time by watching an episode of “7th Heaven.” His previous instance of not keeping it real came in the summer of 1993 after he listened to, and enjoyed, a Bon Jovi song.
“I remember being about halfway through the episode of ‘7th Heaven’ when it hit me that I wasn’t keeping it real by watching that show,” said Iverson, “so I made a renewed commitment to keeping it real at all times.” The All-Star guard says he immediately switched his television from ‘7th Heaven’ to BET and has proceeded to keep it real since then.
Jim Brown is the previous record holder for keeping it real by an athlete. The ex-football star had kept it real consistently through the early 1990s before taking a role in the 1996 movie ‘Mars Attacks!’
“Not giving my best, or even showing up sometimes, at practice is really the key to my keeping it real in everything I do,” said Iverson. “I want to be real both on and off the court. However, I do play hard in games, so if I also played hard in practice and set an example for my teammates and fans, that might not send the message that I want to get across – you know, that I don’t really give a f—k and that I don’t need this sh-t.”
Iverson says that he has begun to sense some pressure from his supporters that he be linked to some type of criminal activity soon in order to reaffirm his credibility. It has been several years since Iverson has been in the police blotter.
“I understand that I probably need to get back on the police’s radar in order to keep on keeping it real. I don’t necessarily have to do anything, just get the police a little riled up, I guess. The only thing is is that it’s a bit tough to get in much trouble when you live in a gated community full of huge homes. Maybe I’ll just fk with the homeowners association by letting my grass get too long. Or not weeding the flower beds. Something like that. I’ll do my best.”