They would make an awesome pairs skating duo.
In Soviet Russia, wedgies give YOU!
Sidney Crosby is a better dancer.
Maybe that's where he goes when he gets knocked out of the playoffs every year.
Picture Look at this friggin' douchebag
Oh, yeah. And also Ronnie from the Jersey Shore. ZING!
Time had only just expired on the Washington Capitals' stunning first-round playoff exit at the hands of the 8th-seeded Montreal Canadiens and already team officials were outlining changes that must be made for the team to be more competitive next season.
"We need to build this team more for playoff hockey," said general manager George McPhee. "We need to find a No. 1 goalie. And, most of all, we need to admit what is now obvious: Alexander Ovechkin has a problem stepping up in big games. That track record is undeniable. But we think there is hope."
McPhee says he has already placed a call to representatives of actress Kate Hudson, who last fall miraculously transformed Alex Rodriguez from sport's biggest choker into a postseason star.
"That woman's vagina has magical, healing powers," said McPhee. "We want Ovie to be cleansed and renewed in its waters."
Hudson is currently on-location filming the movie "Something Borrowed" with Colin Farrell, John Krasinski and Ginnifer Goodwin, but her agent says she is considering the offer.
"It's going to be tough for Kate to date right now," said Patrick Whitesell of William Morris Endeavor. "She's filming a movie and has two other projects coming up. Also, we have a date request from Sergio Garcia. And he's more of her type. But if Mr. Ovechkin's people can throw season tickets for Kurt Russell into the deal, it will help his chances."
Ovechkin says he supports management's plan.
"Kate Hudson. I like her very much," said Ovechkin. "'You, Me and Dupree' is great movie. Very funny. Now I can have the sex with the Me character, yes? Her voojonny bring me many championship?"
Washington Capitals star Alexander Ovechkin admitted today that he had trouble concentrating during his return to the ice from a two-game suspension due to the sight of so many large, healthy knees just begging to be taken out.
"I like the knees," said the Russian wing. "Especially the healthy ones, you know? I like to smash into them with my own knee. Make them buckle and break. It brings my great pleasure."
Ovechkin's suspension was due to his latest knee-to-knee hit on an opposing player, this one on Carolina defenseman Tim Gleason a dirty style of play that his own coach, Bruce Boudreau, called "pretty reckless."
"My coach, he says many things," said Ovechkin. "He only want what best for me. I know this. Yet when he talk to me, I notice that he has two, big, fat knees that would be so fun to take out, yes? I only wish that he give me this advice while skating at me, so I could hit him full speed and really make him suffer. I must wait for this wonderful opportunity to come its way to me."
But the NHL, Boudreau and Ovechkin's Capitals teammates aren't only worried about knee injuries Ovechkin gives to opposing players. They also don't want the star to hurt himself in the process. But Ovechkin insists there is no risk.
"I like the knee-to-knee hit," he said. "I like it very much. It my greatest play. More than the goal score. And I hope one day I hurt my knee so I can get a huge brace placed on it. Then I will use knee with brace to inflict even more damage on knees. Use it like battering ram. Bone everywhere. It will be a great day."