He's the best boxer in cycling history.
Tour de France leader Alberto Contador took off the yellow jersey this morning and quit the competition after his parents got him a car for his birthday.
"It's only an old Chevy Cavalier," said Contador. "But, man, I have wanted a car and have been waiting for this day for years. No more riding a bike for me!"
Although he's only had the car for a few hours, Contador says he already can't believe he rode a bike all those years.
"God, I bet I looked so stupid riding around on a freaking bike," he said. "It's so humiliating. But now I can go anywhere I want and do anything I want."
"As long as you let us know where you're going and that you'll be home by 11:30, right?" cautioned Cindy Contador, Alberto's mother.
"Yes, mom," said Alberto.
"And don't go over the speed limit!" she added.
The new car for the two-time Tour de France winner has led several other top cyclists to quit the race, too.
"They just want me to drive them around everywhere," said Contador. "Which is cool by me, as long as they chip in for gas."
Tour de France champion Alberto Contador and former seven-time champion Lance Armstrong are no longer pretending they are friends. In fact, they have been sniping pretty hard back and forth at each other.
But what Contador may not realize is that he is taking on one of the most beloved figures in the world. So what is said by each party is not necessarily what the public hears.
Contador:"My relationship with Lance Armstrong is zero. He's a great rider and he did a great Tour. Another thing is on a personal level, where I have never admired him and never will."
What we hear: "I am pro-cancer. I hope everyone gets cancer and dies. That is, everyone but me. Ha-ha! Oh, but for the record, I don't mean 'Ha-ha!' as in 'I'm joking.' I mean that I will laugh joyously while everyone around me dies of cancer."
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Armstrong, via Twitter:"Hey pistolero, there is no 'I' in 'team'. what did I say in March? Lots to learn. Restated."
What we hear: "Sorry to hear you're pro-cancer. Obviously, you are just a terrible person. By the way, there is no 'I' in 'team.' Up for some other word play? Okay. Do you know what 'Contador' rhymes with? 'Your mom's a whore.' Ironic, right? Because she is a whore!"