News Lebron's first draft of his letter to Akron
Lebron James took out a full-page ad in the Akron Beacon-Journal to thank his hometown for its support over the years.
But a noted marketing and image wiz like Lebron James doesn't do just write things up on a whim. There is much thought and multiple drafts. Here is the first draft of the ad.
News Tonight's TV Schedule ... LEBRON-IFIED!
Lebron is having his Lebron-fest on ESPN at 9:00 p.m. ET.
But other networks are trying to get in on the Lebron hysteria by Lebron-ifiying their own 9:00 p.m. shows. Take a look …
"So You Think You Can Dance" — FOX
Original TV Guide Description: One of the top 8 dancers is eliminated.
Updated Description: One of the top 8 dancers is given a minimum-salary NBA contract to become one of LeBron's teammates and take part in his choreographed pre-game dance routines.
"Antiques Roadshow" — PBS
Original TV Guide Description: Part 1 of 3 in Salt Lake City includes a quilt depicting scenes from Mormon history, a Utah landscape by artists Birger Sandzen and documents chronicling the career of actor Philip Margetts.
Updated Description: Part 1 of 3 in Salt Lake City includes former LeBron teammate Carlos Boozer begging him to play in Chicago. Shaquille O’Neal and Ray Allen also appear.
"Lost Worlds" — History Channel
Original TV Guide Description:In the second-season opener, the Seven Wonders of the World are explored.
Updated Description: In the second-season opener, the Seven Teams with Maximum Cap Space are explored.
"Rookie Blue" — ABC
Original TV Guide Description: Andy wrestles with a dilemma, while the other rookies are ready to duke it out at a charity event.
Updated Description: Andy and his friend LeBron wrestle with a dilemma, while the other free agents are ready to duke it out over who gets stuck joining the Clippers.
"CSI" — CBS
Original TV Guide Description: Two female friends are murdered in separate locations on the same night after they each flirted with a man at a hotel.
Updated Description: Two NBA fanbases are murdered in separate locations on the same night after they each flirted with a man demanding a max contract and "global icon" status.
"I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" — Discovery Health
Original TV Guide Description:A woman is at sea when she start to develop severe abdominal cramps in the middle of the night.
Updated Description: A man is in the playoffs when he starts to develop severe choking in the middle of the second round.
"Newlywed Game" — GSN
Original TV Guide Description: Carnie Wilson hosts a new version of the classic game show featuring recently married couples who compete for prizes by predicting their spouses' answers to silly or suggestive questions.
Updated Description:David Stern hosts a new version of the classic game show featuring recently signed players and their new teammates, who compete for prizes by predicting how many championships they'll watch the Lakers win in the next five years.
"17 Again" — HBO
Original TV Guide Description:A former high-school basketball star gets a second shot at life after he's miraculously transformed back into a teenager.
Updated Description:A former high-school basketball star gets a second shot at life after he's miraculously transported out of his hometown by a maximum-salary contract.
"Jersey Shore" — MTV
Original TV Guide Description: The crew takes Atlantic City by storm, but the fun ends when Mike starts messing with Snookie and JWoWW. Later, one roommate opens up about her struggles with an eating disorder.
Updated description: LeBron takes Newark by storm, but the fun ends when he realizes his new teammates are Snookie and JWoWW. Later, LeBron opens up about his struggles with a winning disorder.
“Perro Amor” – Telemundo
Original TV Guide Description: Un hombre y una mujer haven una apuesta peligrosa en que no pueden enamorarse mutuamente o de otra persona, lo que acarreara graves conflictos economicos, familiars y afectivos.
Updated description: Un hombre y una mujer haven una apuesta peligrosa en que no pueden enamorarse mutuamente o de otra persona, lo que acarreara graves conflictos economicos, familiars y afectivos. Y LEBRON!
News Lebron James Signs 2-Year Contract With Verizon Wireless
The deal is done. After careful thought and consideration, Lebron James has announced he is signing a 2-year contract with Verizon Wireless as his cell phone carrier.
"When it came down to it, it made sense to stick withVerizon," James said. "I've already got FIOS TV service, andVerizon's selection of Android mobile phones is very enticing."
The agreement with Verizonallows James to purchase the new Droid X at a low subsidized price and makes him eligible to upgrade to the hottest new phones after just 12 months — or get an entirely new phone, with a contract renewal, every two years.
James also considered contracts with Sprint and AT&T. The latter was expected to land the former Cavaliers star with its new iPhone 4, but James was lured toVerizonafter receiving assurance from the store manager that Verizon would soon be adding top phones.
"We're working with Apple on a sign-and-trade deal to bring the iPhone toVerizon," said manager Chris Dalman, manager of Verizon Wireless store #22341 in Akron, Ohio, where James signed his contract. "At that point, we'll begin negotiating an extension with LeBron, too."
Dwyane Wade, currently locked into a long-term deal with T-Mobile, was hoping to lure James and Chris Bosh over to his current service, so he could add them to his Fave 5. But the service's lack of a revolutionary smartphone was reportedly a dealbreaker for James.
After failing to sign James, AT&T has said it will turn its attention to Joe Johnson, who is said to be displeased with his current Sprint service. Johnson is known to frequent Atlanta's Lenox Square Mall, which has an Apple store, as well as an AT&T kiosk near the food court.
James reportedly did not consider getting a beeper, despite the urging of several members of the New York Knicks organization who swear by the devices.
News The NFL All-Crimes Team
NFL players have to be aggressive. It's part of the job.
Sometimes … very rarely … this aggression spills over off the field and results in criminal activity. But very rarely. Like, only five or six times a week.
Yet it's still enough to fill an entire NFL roster. And a pretty good one, too.
News Roger Goodell's suspension-generating flowchart
There is a perception that Roger Goodell hands out suspensions and fines in a completely arbitrary manner, as though he just pulls penalties out of a hat or throws darts at a suspension dartboard.
But that's absurd! Only a moron would do that! And we know a moron could never become the commissioner of a major professional sports league.
The truth is that Goodell has a very specific decision-making process that he uses to determine possible player suspensions. It's this flowchart.
Take a look.
News Professor Asks Students if Anyone Has Seen John Wall Lately
University of Kentucky Professor Dr. Calvin Goldblatt stopped three people on the way out of his Thursday Introduction to Philosophy class to ask if anyone in the class had seenJohnWalllately. All three students just shook their head and walked on.
"I just don't understand," Dr. Goldblatt said. "His attendance record was perfect in January and February. Then suddenly this month, he was rarely here. I am worried about him."
Goldblatt, who has been at Kentucky for 13 years, but doesn't consider himself much of a sports fan, went on to add thatWallhadn't been in class at all for the last two weeks. Along with missing class,Wallwas absent for last week's midterm exam, and did not show up for his weekly tutoring session.
"I'm just concerned that he'll fall behind in his work," Goldblatt said. "I wouldn't want to have to fail him and make him repeat the class next fall. He's a good kid. But education means everything. Without an education, he won't get anywhere in life. A lot of kids don't want to hear that, but it's true."
Professor Goldblatt inquired about Wall at the university's registrars office, but got no answers.
"Has he dropped out of the school?" said Jane Flinner, a secretary at the registrars office. "Not that I can see. However, at the same time, I can't even find anything official saying he was every enrolled here. However, please, if you do see John, can you get me an autograph?"
Goldblatt also stopped DeMarcus Cousins, another of his students, on campus this morning to ask aboutWall's whereabouts. But, Cousins, who didn't seem to recognize the professor, ignored the question and continued packing boxes into his 2010 Mercedes-Benz ML550.
News Blake Griffin Fakes Rehab Setback to Avoid Ever Playing for the Clippers
With his projected season debut just a week away, Clippers No. 1 overall pick Blake Griffin faked a season-ending injury, in hopes he would never have to play for the cursed franchise.
"I wasn't thrilled to be drafted by the Clippers. But I didn't have a choice," Griffin said. "Then I got hurt in the preseason and it dawned on me — I hold the power. I can avoid playing here forever if I handled this the right way. If I can just trick the Clippers into thinking I'm injury-prone, they might trade me to a decent team and my career. I have hope again. Going through the pain of unnecessary surgery can't take that away."
Griffin's "injury" is the latest setback for a franchise that has won just one playoff series since leaving Buffalo in the late '70s. Still, Clippers coach/GM Mike Dunleavy remains optimistic about Griffin's future.
"This is just a minor setback in what we hope will be a long and fruitful career for Blake," he said. "We see him averaging 7 points and 3 rebounds for us for many years to come. We're talking Michael Olowakandi numbers."
Before Griffin dramatically screamed and fell to ground in his recent rehab session — screaming "Oh! Cruel fates! I am hurt! I am a broken man! Woe is me!" — Griffin let agent Jeff Schwartz know that this latest setback would be entirely fabricated. Schwartz has already been in contact with more than a dozen other NBA franchises to let them know that Griffin is perfectly healthy and ready to play for a team with a winning history beginning next October.
But Dunleavy remains convinced that after his star's "rehab", Griffin will be playing at a mediocre level with the Clippers for years to come.
"Blake's not going anywhere," said Dunleavy. "You can't shed the stigma of being a Clipper easily, even by just playing with us in the preseason. It sticks with you forever, dragging you ever lower. And if we traded every player who didn't want to play for the Clippers, we wouldn't have enough to put a team on the court. Heck, I don't even want to be here. But no matter what I do, they won't fire me. It's infuriating."
