He's probably jolly even after terrible Eli interceptions.
Picture Your TV Knows the Vikings Suck
Maybe the Vikings will take Mallet in Round 2.
The Patriots have three picks in the first 33 slots of this year's draft, but it is not expected they will stand pat there.
"This has been our strategy for the past few years," said head coach Bill Belichick. "We don't see the value in getting a few players with elite talent. Instead, we build depth that delivers outstanding regular season after outstanding regular season."
And New England front office staffers say all the work in recent drafts has set the stage for what they believe will be the master stroke in this year's draft: compiling almost every pick in the 7th, and final, round.
"There's not a lot of difference makers in the 7th Round, but we will have a monopoly on the scrappiest, hardest working, scrappy, scrappers available. And that's Patriots football," said team owner Robert Kraft. "Let the stars go to the other teams. We'll take gutting out a crucial 3rd-and-8 in October, thanks."
According to sources close to the Panthers, they will instruct commissioner Roger Goodell to announce their selection in this way: "With the first pick in the 2011 NFL Draft, the Carolina Panthers say Cam Newton is kind of a dick." That will cause the Panthers to forfeit the No. 1 pick to Denver and slide to No. 2, where they may select Alabama defensive tackle Marcell Dareus.
"All of these scouts and media members who are ganging up on Cam seem to really be enjoying themselves," said Panthers GM Marty Hurney. "So since we weren't completely sold on Cam becoming an NFL quarterback, we thought we'd take the opportunity to really stick it to him in primetime before all the football fans in the country, the cocky, cheating prick."
While Newton is a rare talent with an outgoing personality, he has also faced shots around the league for his presumed knowledge of his father's selling him to colleges and a perceived lack of sincerity.
"I asked Cam right out if he was a lying asshole," said one NFL general manager. "And he looked me right in the eyes and said he was not. That's just what a lying asshole would say."
"We have a meeting scheduled with Bob Glauber, is it?" said Panthers GM Marty Hurney. "That sounds familiar. Wait no. Isn't Bob Glauber a sportswriter or something? I have no idea. Either way, a supposedly very talented player is coming to see us. I guess we'll find out exactly who he is whenever he arrives."
The player, possibly pictured at right, has emerged as the top prospect in the draft in recent weeks following a low-profile collegiate career that probably happened in the Midwest or at some fairly obscure school. Who knows, he could have even played Division II or Division III.
If the Panthers decide to pass on Bob Glauber at No. 1, the Bills will likely take Gabby Blainbridge with the third pick.
"We like what we know about Gabby Blainbridge," said Bills GM Buddy Nix. "Which, admittedly, isn't much. We've been drawn in a bit by the recent hype as much as any other team. He's the guy with the long hair, right? He played at Missoula or something? Is that a school? Who knows. But whoever he is, he'd almost definitely be an improvement over what we have."
- broad jump -- many a top NFL player has eluded police and continued their career by jumping over a dead broad/hooker
- vertical jump -- if a player can't celebrate a TD by dunking over the crossbar, he's really going to blow at firing up the crowd
- 40-yard dash -- star NFL quarterbacks like Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger and Peyton Manning have all probably run sub-4.2 40s
- 3-cone drill -- a team needs to know if a player will go the extra mile, even to the point of humiliating himself doing a pointless drill
- Wonderlic exam -- a low score means you have a small brain and thick skull, both great signs that you'll be tough to concuss
He can pick and eat it in under 4.2 seconds.
February 25, 2011 Column
Tweet of the Week
A Helpful Reminder for the Ladies
From @jabaalsheard AKA PITT defensive lineman and 2011 NFL Draft prospect Jabaal Sheard
- - -
And just look what those hairy nipples forced him to do!