Filed Under » 2011 NFL Draft

The New England Patriots are prepared to masterfully out-think all of the other teams in the NFL by trading down in the draft again, allowing them to stockpile value picks to further enrich their unmatched NFL dynasty.

The Patriots have three picks in the first 33 slots of this year's draft, but it is not expected they will stand pat there.

"This has been our strategy for the past few years," said head coach Bill Belichick. "We don't see the value in getting a few players with elite talent. Instead, we build depth that delivers outstanding regular season after outstanding regular season."

And New England front office staffers say all the work in recent drafts has set the stage for what they believe will be the master stroke in this year's draft: compiling almost every pick in the 7th, and final, round.

"There's not a lot of difference makers in the 7th Round, but we will have a monopoly on the scrappiest, hardest working, scrappy, scrappers available. And that's Patriots football," said team owner Robert Kraft. "Let the stars go to the other teams. We'll take gutting out a crucial 3rd-and-8 in October, thanks."

Without a clear No. 1 overall pick in this year's NFL Draft, the Carolina Panthers are hinting they will instead use the spotlight of the first pick to join the parade questioning the character of Auburn quarterback and Heisman winner Cam Newton.

According to sources close to the Panthers, they will instruct commissioner Roger Goodell to announce their selection in this way: "With the first pick in the 2011 NFL Draft, the Carolina Panthers say Cam Newton is kind of a dick." That will cause the Panthers to forfeit the No. 1 pick to Denver and slide to No. 2, where they may select Alabama defensive tackle Marcell Dareus.

"All of these scouts and media members who are ganging up on Cam seem to really be enjoying themselves," said Panthers GM Marty Hurney. "So since we weren't completely sold on Cam becoming an NFL quarterback, we thought we'd take the opportunity to really stick it to him in primetime before all the football fans in the country, the cocky, cheating prick."

While Newton is a rare talent with an outgoing personality, he has also faced shots around the league for his presumed knowledge of his father's selling him to colleges and a perceived lack of sincerity.

"I asked Cam right out if he was a lying asshole," said one NFL general manager. "And he looked me right in the eyes and said he was not. That's just what a lying asshole would say."

The Carolina Panthers say they are prepared to take the player that has emerged as the hot prospect in the NFL Draft as soon as they find out exactly who he is and why they never heard of him until about a week or two ago.

"We have a meeting scheduled with … Bob Glauber, is it?" said Panthers GM Marty Hurney. "That sounds familiar. Wait … no. Isn't Bob Glauber a sportswriter or something? I have no idea. Either way, a supposedly very talented player is coming to see us. I guess we'll find out exactly who he is whenever he arrives."

The player, possibly pictured at right, has emerged as the top prospect in the draft in recent weeks following a low-profile collegiate career that probably happened in the Midwest or at some fairly obscure school. Who knows, he could have even played Division II or Division III.

If the Panthers decide to pass on Bob Glauber at No. 1, the Bills will likely take Gabby Blainbridge with the third pick.

"We like what we know about Gabby Blainbridge," said Bills GM Buddy Nix. "Which, admittedly, isn't much. We've been drawn in a bit by the recent hype as much as any other team. He's the guy with the long hair, right? He played at Missoula or something? Is that a school? Who knows. But whoever he is, he'd almost definitely be an improvement over what we have."