He's awesome at not scoring.
Who could have known that picking up a wild weasel would backfire.
A Borat joke here would have been really good a few years ago.
#1 Is LeBron James better than Michael Jordan was in his prime?
Unfortunately, there is just no way to know this because Michael Jordan's prime fell when LeBron James was a little kid, so they never played against each other.
#2 Is LeBron James a better player than Kobe Bryant?
Similar to Jordan vs. LeBron, Kobe and LeBron's primes didn't exactly match up, but they at least have been able to play during the same era. However, basketball is a team sport, not an individual sport. And how would we agree on what makes a player better. Championships? Statistics? Again, basketball is a team sport and so many other factors come into play. All we know for sure is that both LeBron James and Kobe Bryant are very good basketball players. This speaks to the previous question, as well. Even if Michael Jordan and LeBron James had played against each other, it would likely be impossible to make a clear-cut case that one was better than the other.
#3 Will Tiger Woods break Jack Nicklaus' record for career majors?
The only way to know this is to wait and find out. Woods is currently 37 years old and in very good shape, so we could have the answer in the next 18 months or not for 25 years. Time will determine the answer. It's as simple as that.
It's an awesome finishing move for goalies.
1. Jon Gruden
Pro: When any big job opens up, Gruden's name is mentioned. He would definitely bring enthusiasm to the position.
Con: The job might be too much for him. Gruden would no doubt stay up all night watching film of people sinning, trying to come up with game plans to help them overcome it. With more than 7 billion sinners in the world, the quantity of sin tape would be overwhelming. The papacy might burn him out fast.
2. Tim Tebow
Pro: Tebow is one of the world's best known Christians and could soon be forced to look for a new line of work.
Con: Tebow is not Catholic. He is an evangelical Christian. Big difference. However, Tebow might be willing to convert if he is promised to be No. 1 on the Catholic depth chart at the faith's most important position.
3. Todd Graham
Pro: The Arizona State head football coach is always looking for a new and better job and will no doubt at least have his agent acquire about the position. Pope is no doubt a "dream job."
Con: Todd Graham has a black, rotten soul. God probably doesn't want Todd Graham to be his top human pal.
4. Lionel Messi
Pro: The world's best soccer player is a devout Catholic. The Church has seen a dramatic decline in Europe in recent years. Making a football star the pope could get many football-mad Europeans interested in Catholicism again.
Con: Messi would no doubt have to miss many matches in order to do pope stuff. Being robbed of the sport's greatest player in his prime could turn many against the Church. Also, with Messi out of the way, Cristiano Ronaldo becomes the world's best player and no one wants that.
FIFA president Sepp Blatter met the news with great excitement.
"Finally, after all these years, a possible explanation for why these grown men, these strong professional athletes, flop and fall all over the place like delicate little flowers in a tornado," said Blatter. "While it might be nice if the sport of football did not have instances of fixed matches, I and all football fans greatly prefer that to watching a sport filled with what we assumed were pathetic, pussified floppers."
Portuguese star Cristiano Ronaldo says he is glad the truth is finally out there.
"For years I've had people calling me a pussy because I'm always falling down and pretending I'm hurt," said Ronaldo. "But in almost every instance, I fell down to prevent myself from scoring a goal in order to keep the score where it needed to be. I'm glad I don't have to hear people question my toughness anymore. As though I'd do that out on the pitch without a good reason. Come on. I respect the game too much to be a flopper. I'm a match fixer."
"We had a 1-0 lead but we gave them too many opportunities to get back in it," said U.S. head coach Jurgen Klinsmann. "We gave them too much space. Speaking of space, I just got word from President Obama that we will now be allowed to rain death from the sky. So, just throwing that out there to our future opponents."
The national team plays its next qualifying match on March 22nd against Costa Rica.
"The Costa Ricans play a good, fundamentally-sound style and we will have to be in our best form to beat them," said Klinsmann. "Also, their best player lives at 614 Tortuguero Boulevard outside of Limon. It's in a little clearing and shouldn't be hard to see from above, as long as its a day with minimal cloud cover. Saturday is supposed to be pretty clear there, I hear."
So soccer players don't fall down from legitimate assaults. Interesting.