Opinion The Internal Monologue of a Sports Fan Streaker
0:10 — Just slowly slip off the pants. And now the shirt. What's this fan next to me looking at? He's never seen a man strip down to his underwear at a game before? What a weirdo. I'm going streaking!
0:30 — One last check at the security guy in my section. All clear. He doesn't see me.
0:31 — One last swig of beer.
0:35 — Alright, one more last swig of beer.
0:37 – And finish that half-empty beer that someone left under their seat.
0:40 — And I'm doing it! I'M ON THE FIELD! I'M A STREAKER! YES! I DID IT! I HAVE ACHIEVED GREATNESS! AND MY HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS SAID I'D NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING!
0:44 — I feel so free! So alive! I've never run so fast!
0:46 — Oh, god. Starting to tire. Chest is burning. Legs … also burning. I forgot to consider my awful cardiovascular shape and the nine beers I've had.
0:49 — But no time for that now. Security staff at 10 o'clock. Cops at 1. And also 4. And … now 7. Jeez. A bit much. I'm not a terrorist with a bomb. Just a totally badass dude in some underwear. Okay, dig deep! Find that inner strength! You can't tire now. This is where that one time you went jogging in September pays off! It's time to begin evasive maneuvers!
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Lucky kid. He can sell that snot on eBay now.
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Sports have Halls of Fame for the best athletes, but the funniest names in sports history rarely receive the honor they deserve. Now you can vote for the athletes whose parents hated them the most!
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Way to bury it in the back of the net, fella!
