Fake Quotes

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away or we shall taunt you a second time!

Do you want to know why we lost to Mexico? Because Lance Armstrong took steroids, that's why.

I don't like Pelé. People aren't supposed to have just one name. People have two names. Single names are reserved for things like Snickers. Or cocaine. I find it very misleading.

I want to talk with management and evaluate my future. I mean, I am a 38-year-old man named 'Chipper.' I've got some serious stuff to work out.

We will not ban the vuvuzelas. They are an African tradition. Like malaria.

We are in negotiations with Texas. And if those fall through, we are negotiating with the number 6.

No one is getting my Heisman Trophy back. I have stored it in my girlfriend's ass cleavage. You'll never find it.

I think the best thing about winning the Stanley Cup is knowing that I'll probably never have to pay for cab fare again.

I apologize for stealing doughnuts. I'm just used to how it was in college, when my coach required me to steal doughnuts for him.

Although we picked at the end of Round 1, I think we got a player who will be very highly-touted and hyped. You know, because he'll play for the Yankees.