Fake Quotes

The Bobcats are now my No. 1 priority as owner. I will work 8-hour weeks, whatever it takes.

As you can see, I have slimmed down. You'd be surprised how good love handles taste with some butter.

I am not pleased that the Giants are opening the new Meadowlands Stadium instead of the Jets. In fact, I haven't been this upset since I was a little kid and realized what my name means.

I am excited to sign with the Browns. It's a perfect fit. I have always felt that I've played like a Cleveland Brown.

Tiger Woods returning at the Masters -- a media circus like no other.

My client did not have sex with the accuser. Because why would someone have sex with a person called "the accuser"? That would be incredibly reckless.

Browns fans are ruthless and don't deserve a winner. They deserve me, so it's disappointing I've been cut.

I didn't shave my head. I had my barber shave in a space bar before my next message.

I don't feel there is too much pressure on me here in Chicago. Because, thanks to Jay Cutler, I doubt there is the expectation that we will win.

I am excited to be a member of the Jets. Together with Darrelle Revis, I think we can form an archipelago.