Fake Quotes

From now on, all my casts shall be made of solid gold! Bwaah-ha-ha-haaaa!!!

Call me crazy, but I have big goals as the new manager of the Orioles. I want us to consistently finish 4th in the division. Maybe even 3rd once or twice if the Rays trade their players.

I will show up at training camp on the third day.

I've never seen inflamation in a shoulder like this guy has. It's absolutely amazing. Stephen Strasburg has a chance to have the most inflamed shoulder of all-time!

I am excited to be a member of the Timberwolves. Michael Beasley's mom is totally hot.

I can provide a lot of leadership to the Rams. Playing with the Bills taught me how to deal with playing on a team that's officially in the NFL but not, you know, REALLY in the NFL. It requires mental toughness.

We will begin testing minor league players for steroids. The sanctity of the minor league home run record, held by whomever, must be maintained.

Agents are like pimps. I know. I'm a whore.

I'm not like Lebron. I never would have played with Kareem or James Worthy or gone to a team coached by Pat Riley. Luckily, they were there for me. Also, I have regrets about playing on the Dream Team.

I am really concerned that the NHL has rejected my contract with the Devils. How is a man supposed to get through a day not knowing where he'll be employed in 2027?