Fake Quotes

Tiger Woods returning at the Masters -- a media circus like no other.

My client did not have sex with the accuser. Because why would someone have sex with a person called "the accuser"? That would be incredibly reckless.

Browns fans are ruthless and don't deserve a winner. They deserve me, so it's disappointing I've been cut.

I didn't shave my head. I had my barber shave in a space bar before my next message.

I don't feel there is too much pressure on me here in Chicago. Because, thanks to Jay Cutler, I doubt there is the expectation that we will win.

I am excited to be a member of the Jets. Together with Darrelle Revis, I think we can form an archipelago.

I think my neck surgery went well. I did a lot of research, and after I made the first incision, everything I read and learned kicked in and it came pretty naturally.

I now have second thoughts about switching to No. 6. I feel that is Stan Musial's number.

For a school that doesn't have a football program, being No. 1 in basketball is a pretty big deal.

We politely request that you suck it.