Ponder This...

The jockey who head-butted his horse on Sunday is really taking a lot of flack. But let’s not crucify the guy before all of the facts are in. How do we know the horse didn’t call him a terrorist or insult his mother? I can’t say how I would react if I was faced with the unholy, unnatural visage of a talking horse. I probably would have done a lot more than head-butt the thing.

Oh, and in other horse news – and it’s a pretty big – USA Today broke this on Tuesday with a headline in the sports section that read: “Barbaro has uneventful weekend.” Just thought you’d want to know. No word if Michelle Wie has died yet, though.

So Bill Belichick is a marriage wrecker. According to divorce proceedings in New Jersey, Belichick’s affair with a man’s wife has been a driving force behind the couple’s breakup. I hate to pin any blame on the husband, but you have to be a rather cold fish to lose a woman to Bill Belichick. How exactly does how does Belichick woo a woman? Does he send love letters with sentiments such as: “You are okay, but you have a lot of room for improvement.”? Or: “You almost make me consider smiling.” And then you’d have him showing up for a fancy dinner dressed in his finest hooded sweatshirt and a pair of wrinkled Dockers. I just don’t see how you lose a woman to that guy.

It’s time Phil Mickelson gets a new nickname. For years his peers have called him “FIGJAM,” which stands for “F—k I’m Good, Just Ask Me.” But then after his 22^nd place finish at the British Open, way behind the tournament leaders who had a pretty easy go of it on the Royal Liverpool course, Mickelson had this to whine about, er … to say: “The pin positions were really challenging. That would be putting it nice.” Then, when he was asked if they were unfair, he said: “That is not my call, but they were difficult.” So, basically, he was saying they were unfair. I didn’t watch much of the tournament, but they didn’t seem too unfair to everyone else. Unless British Open officials moved the pins just for Mickelson’s group and then moved them to an easier location for Tiger Woods, Chris DiMarco, Ernie Els, Jim Furyk, Hideto Tanihara, Sergio Garcia and Angel Cabrera – all of whom were 10-under or more in the tournament. But if that’s not what happened, then Mickelson is – and continues to be – just a whiny little prick who is 100-percent unlikable to anyone who follows golf even a little bit. But anyway, back to my point that he needs a new nickname. FIGJAM no longer works. I’m thinking of something like FIGTITSISIPAPAMJAM, which is, of course: F—k I’m Good (Though In Tournaments Sometimes I Struggle If Pins Are Plotting Against Me), Just Ask Me. That name is better anyway because it has TITS in it.

Here’s my Page 2 article from Monday on the opening of NFL training camps: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=gallo/060724. Maybe next time I’ll write an article like this one – http://cbs.sportsline.com/nfl/story/9568966 – in which you’ll not only get to read about the NFL, but also learn about my favorite restaurants and how I don’t like driving on I-95. Because I know that’s what people want in their NFL articles. Less about NFL teams and players; more about writers’ personal likes and dislikes in areas such as coffee, travel and relationships. But if you can’t wait until I address these pressing matters in a future article, I’ll give you a sneak preview: I like Thai restaurants; I don’t mind driving on I-95; and I like coffee, but not when it’s all junked up with foam and flavors and crap like that. There, now I’m a real NFL writer. Feels good.

While I’m linking to CBS Sportsline.com, here’s another one: http://www.sportsline.com/cbssports/story/9558943. It’s the CBS Sports release announcing that Pat O’Brien is returning to the network to host the U.S. Open Late Night Show. Be sure to check out O’Brien’s quote on why he wanted to host the show: “Tennis is so f---ing hot. I’m so f---ing into it. I want to get a racket and some balls and do some drugs and just go crazy. I want to make tennis come.” Should be an interesting show.

Oh, and one more Page 2 link. Here’s a piece on baseball cards I contributed to: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=baseballcards/060725. And if anyone wants to trade me for my Gregg Jeffries cards, I’ll take a mint condition Potty Scotty: http://www.doyouremember.co.uk/images/memorabilia/Trading+cards/garbage_pail.jpg. Ha! His name is Scotty and he’s sitting on a potty. It rhymes and everything. Hilarious!

Sometimes I get a bit depressed over the political atmosphere in this country. But good times are on the way, everyone. Check out the eighth paragraph in this article: http://www.thehartwellsun.com/articles/2006/07/20/news/news01.txt. We’re saved! A new day is dawning! (I wonder if he ran with the Herbert Hoover-esque campaign motto: “A chicken in every dance and a knife in every stomach.”)