Ponder This...

Nice work, people. Really great job. Barbaro is fighting for his life again and it’s your fault. Yes, yes – you wrote numerous him get-well letters in the days after his accident at Preakness, but then gradually your attentions turned elsewhere and you stopped. And now he could be dying. All because of your laziness and lack of compassion. You sicken me. And don’t start sending him letters now again. It’s too late. He knows you aren’t sincerely concerned. He knows who his true supporters are and you’re not one of them. That’s why when he dies you’re not invited to eat him with some duck sauce and a delicious egg roll on the side.

Why was A.J. freaking Pierzynski the go-to interview for everything related to the All-Star Game? The guy is a mediocre player, a giant douchebag, and not even remotely interesting or amusing. It’s unbearable. When he was interviewed during the Home Run Derby with his infant daughter on his lap I had the urge to snap her up, hurl her into the Allegheny and beat her to death with a kayak paddle. And I don’t necessarily think that’s a positive urge.

Boy, I’m really liking Michelle Wie more and more all the time. After getting trounced in the HSBC Women’s World Match Play Championship last week, 4-and-3 by Brittany Lincicome (a player who is only 20, by the way, and hits the ball a good bit further than the “greatest phenom ever to do anything”), Wie had this to say: “I thought I played really well. I just had a lot of bad breaks … Obviously, I’m disappointed that I didn’t win, but I still feel satisfied with the way I played. I didn’t lose because I didn’t play well.” Wow. Where to start? You think you played “really well” but lost 4-and-3 in a women’s event?!?! Yep, you’re ready to play in the Masters. And you “had a lot of bad breaks.” Really? Here’s what Lincicome had to say about that: “I don’t remember there being any bad kicks. I don’t think. She had a couple of putts where she blew it by.” Awesome. Brittany Lincicome, you are my new favorite women’s golfer. (Sorry, non-existent person who used to be my favorite women’s golfer, you are now knocked down to second.)

Rather interesting decision by Barry Zito over the weekend to can his agent Arm Tellem in favor of Scott Boras. I wonder how that phone call went.
Zito: “Sorry, Arm, but I dumping you for Boras.”
Tellem: “What? Why? Do you really think the possibility of getting an extra million or so on your next contract is worth the entire country thinking you’re a dick?”
Zito: “Most definitely.”
Tellem: “Well, I think you’re going to regret this.”
Zito: “I guarantee you I won’t, for I am an eccentric. I can do stupid things all the time for no reason and people accept it as a mere eccentricity. Now excuse me. I have to write some guitar music and then I’m going surfing.”
Tellem: “I hope you get eaten by a shark, you stupid greedy hippie.”

Ozzie Guillen clearly is learning a lot at sensitivity training. Here’s what he said after his first course: “There are a lot of things you cannot say about anybody, even when you want to say them … I will be the same guy, [but] use a different word.” So, if those comments are any indication, here is what Ozzie apparently learned so far:
1) You can say words such as “fag” if you want, just not around actual “fags”; and
2) It’s okay to continue to dislike “fags” and make fun of them, but it’s worthwhile to call them something other than “fag.” Like, maybe, “homo,” “pillow biter” or “butt bandit.”
Hmmm … me thinks Mr. Guillen might need a few more classes.

I really enjoy the World Cup, as I believe I’ve mentioned before, but the pathetic diving that plagues soccer prevents me from becoming a huge fan. The interesting thing is, if there’s a segment of the American sporting public who probably hates soccer the most due to its “wussy” nature, it’s diehard NASCAR fans – the Git ‘er Done, Confederate flag-waving, Bud-drinking, moron variety. And I say that it’s interesting because if there’s a more unmasculine segment of sporting landscape than soccer players it’s NASCAR drivers. “Waah! Ricky Douggy Bobby bumped into me and made me crash! Waah! I’m going to get back at him by bumping him while I’m encased in a cocoon of steel or I might even slap him across the helmet with my gloved hand. Waah! Waah! Waah!” Yet the NASCAR morons eat this stuff up. Git ‘er done! (I have no idea what that means, but it seemed like a fitting way to end there.)

Here’s my Page 2 column from Monday: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=gallo/060710. And here’s my column from the week before that: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=gallo/060703. If you read my preview of the Home Run Derby and watched the event on ESPN Monday night, well, I pretty much nailed it. In fact, I dressed it up in leather and then nailed it.

I can’t tell you how many e-mails I got on Monday about that Ravens linebacker getting stabbed. Actually, I probably could tell you, but I don’t feel like counting all of them. So let’s go with this: I don’t want to put in the time to tell you how many e-mails I got on Monday about that Ravens linebacker getting stabbed. Of course, the easy joke here is: “Where was Ray Lewis when this happened.” But it’s more than just a joke. Check out the photo page on Raymond’s website – http://www.raylewis52.com/photos.htm - and you’ll find two galleries of him bowling. So I put it to you – are these pictures simply an example of the ever-benevolent Ray-Ray helping the community at a celebrity bowling event? Or do they show Raymond scouting out Baltimore-area bowling alleys for which one is the easiest to flee after a stabbing? I think you know which side I come down on.