Polls

Poll Which of the following NFL teams has the best shot at making the playoffs?

• Cowboys (2-7) -- they can finish 9-7 if they fire their head coach every week for motivation and replace him with someone else on staff
• Vikings (3-6) -- no way Brett Favre will allow his team to miss the increased media coverage of the postseason
• 49ers (3-6) -- I'm pretty sure they actually clinched the NFC West two weeks ago with their 2nd win
• Chargers (4-5) -- the Raiders and Chiefs are both ahead of them in the AFC West, but the Raiders and Chiefs are both ahead of them in the AFC West
• Patriots (7-2) -- Thanks for including this one. It was tough picking from the others.

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Poll Tim Tebow announced he is working on a memoir. What should the title be?

• "Compete Pray Love"
• "The Jump-Passer's Guide to the Galaxy"
• "The Plaque-Driven Life"
• "Bible 2: New International Virgin"
• "Are You There, God? It's Me, Backup"
• "Who Moved My Cheesus?"
• "How To Win Friends And Circumcise People"

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Poll What's likely next for Brett Favre?

• he'll get benched -- Brad Childress is fed up with Favre trying to take his job as the team's chief poor decision maker
• he'll miss time due to injury -- the extreme limp he employs after turnovers will cause him to fall and legitimately injure himself
• he'll get suspended -- it's a tough way to have a consecutive games streak end, but it's probably nicer than getting ALS
• he'll retire -- we're days away from Favre texting the entire a nation a picture of his junk with the words: "I'm retired. Who wants this?"
• he'll keep playing -- long after we're all dead and the universe has imploded, forever throwing interceptions into nothingness

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Poll Should Wade Phillips be fired?

• Yes. Literally. I bet he'd roast up real nice like a pig.
• As someone who hates the Cowboys, I think he should remain as head coach indefinitely.
• No. But he should be forced to legally change his name to Actual Bum Phillips.
• I'm a Cowboys fan, but I don't care anymore. The Yankees are in the playoffs and it's almost Lakers season!

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Poll Which undefeated college football team will be the next to lose?

• Ohio State -- they have Purdue, Minnesota and Penn State left, meaning their schedule is full of dangerous trap games
• Oregon -- their new uniforms that include 6-foot wings and fashionable heels will slow them down
• Boise State -- the best way to maintain their lovable underdog status is to lose
• TCU -- losing is the only way to officially accept their invitation to the Big East
• Nebraska -- Taylor Martinez is the new Denard Robinson. But he ties his shoes like some kind of idiot.
• Oklahoma -- Landry Jones' play will decline as he focuses his attention on growing in a good winter mustache
• Auburn -- they were ranked 22nd to start the season, so they must not be too great because pollsters really know their stuff
• LSU -- they are coached by Les Miles

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Poll Which is the best of the remaining undefeated teams in the NFL?

• Kansas City Chiefs
• Wait. What? That's the only option?
• Come on. This has to be some sort of mistake.
• No? Wow. God, parity SUCKS.
• Oh, stop laughing, Mercury Morris. No one likes you.

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