Polls

Poll Do you think college athletes should be paid?

• YES -- they at least deserve some spending money to cover food and other expenses, such as the upkeep of their free Ferrari
• NO -- once you pay amateur athletes, you ruin amateur sports (but in a way different than how they've been ruined for decades)
• MAYBE -- this is really a question that should be taken up by hungover college students taking Philosophy 101 classes
• YES -- and the obvious solution is that all of the revenue data should be put into the BCS computer for it to determine each team's payroll from week to week
• NO -- maintaining amateur status insures that athletes focus on their studies, so if they don't make it to the pros they can be employed as gym teachers or Foot Locker salesmen

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Poll Do you hate Lebron James?

• No -- for as Lebron might say, I have too many problems in my sad, pathetic, worthless life to spend time hating him
• Yes -- and if hoping only terrible things happen to someone I have never met is wrong, then this is a messed up world
• Maybe -- I don't like him, but yet I also love him for being such a massive choker whose many failures fill me with great joy
• "Hate" is a fairly strong word. Do you have anything stronger I could use?

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Poll Who do you think is the greatest basketball player of all-time?

• Lebron James -- I was born in 2003. I also believe that "Transformers 2" is the greatest movie of all-time.
• Larry Bird -- I am so white that I have to use prescription sunscreen.
• Kobe Bryant -- If not him, then Magic Johnson or some other Laker. Those are the two I've heard of. Wait ... is Lamar Gasol-Jabbar a guy?
• Michael Jordan -- Who am I to question the sports wisdom of actor Jason Segel in the 2011 summer comedy "Bad Teacher"?
• Wilt Chamberlain -- Just because big guys can't shoot, pass or dribble as well as everyone else doesn't mean we should leave them out of the discussion.
• Oscar Robertson -- I'm the annoying guy at parties who tries too hard to sound smart.
• Cheryl Miller -- I'm the even more annoying guy at parties who tries even harder to sound smart by making every debate like this "relative"

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Poll How will Jim Tressel be remembered at Ohio State?

• a great coach whose many accomplishments achieved via blatant and systemic cheating were unfortunately tarnished when all the cheating was uncovered
• a man who had his failings, yet still almost single-handedly maintained the U.S. sweater vest and tattoo industries during a tough economy
• a coach who wasn't man enough to go out by punching an opposing player in the face
• I know the answer to this, but I'm going to bury it and not let anyone know

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Poll Do you believe Lance Armstrong used performance enhancing drugs?

• I just hope you know that by even raising this question it means you are on the side of cancer.
• I am staying open-minded until I hear someone with credibility on PEDs speak about this case: Mr. Jose Canseco.
• Yes, I think he did cheat. But I hope the public understands that LIEANDCHEATSTRONG bracelets would have sold like crap.
• I don't know. But I did find the "60 Minutes" story to be far more watchable than the sport of cycling itself, which probably isn't a good sign.
• All of the allegations about the USPS team really makes me wonder if my mailman is juicing.
• I think he's clean. He never hit one home run.
• I am tempted to believe any negative story about a guy who once tried to nail an Olsen Twin.

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Poll What should the Yankees do with Jorge Posada and Derek Jeter?

• tell them they can hit anywhere in the lineup they want to at Triple-A Scranton
• trade them both to the Mets for Jose Reyes, because the Mets are stupid enough to make that trade
• put them in a nice retirement home for active seniors and promise to visit on holidays
• make them take steroids so they either improve or get suspended for testing positive
• demolish them like old Yankee Stadium

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Poll What is the biggest reason offense is down so much this baseball season?

• the pitchers are obviously corked
• even many hitters dream of being part of a no-hitter or perfect game
• as always, players just want to be like Derek Jeter
• once one player yawns, it can be contagious and soon the whole lineup is asleep
• in order to compete with the Phillies, every team decided to get four aces
• the DEA intercepted a big shipment of steroids coming across the border the week before the season started

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Poll Which NFL team had the best draft?

• Detroit Lions -- Nick Fairley and Ndamukong Suh give the Lions two young, strong players who can help carry Matthew Stafford off the field when he's injured
• Atlanta Falcons -- when you can trade two drafts away for a new No. 2 receiver, you do it!
• Cincinnati Bengals -- QB Andy Dalton and WR A.J. Green have the potential to develop into a less whiny version of Carson Palmer and Chad Ochocinco
• New York Jets -- they stuck to their organizational philosophy and acquired the most overrated players available
• New England Patriots -- Ryan Mallett gives the Patriots a young quarterback option for when Tom Brady inevitably retires to join the ballet
• Minnesota Vikings -- taking Christian Ponder at No. 12 overall seems like a reach, but not if you have no idea what you're doing
• Carolina Panthers -- Cam Newton will be motivated to be a great NFL player when all of his college records and awards are wiped out

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Poll Which of the four major sports has the best playoffs?

• NFL -- football is America's most popular sport and only the historic Stanley Cup can rival the NFL's playoff tradition of the Colts losing
• NBA -- the NBA playoffs provide weeks of exciting dunks leading up to the Lakers and Celtics meeting in the NBA Finals
• MLB -- for years the MLB playoffs have served as a helpful reminder to never watch any of the original programming on TBS
• NHL -- there is nothing more exciting in sports than not being able to see the puck in the overtime of an NHL playoff game

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Poll Which high seed is in the biggest danger of losing in the 1st Round of the playoffs?

• Los Angeles Lakers -- Kobe Bryant is already thinking up derogatory terms for each of his teammates in case the Lakers lose
• Boston Bruins -- it's not looking good for the Bruins and there's only one obvious person to blame: Carl Crawford
• San Antonio Spurs -- they need to focus on basketball again instead of trying to make Tim Duncan crack a smile with their best Memphis Grizzlies jokes
• Orlando Magic -- they're in trouble unless Dwight Howard finally steps up, becomes a leader and never, under any circumstances, lets anyone else on his team touch the ball

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