Polls

Poll What is the biggest storyline of the Patriots-Giants Super Bowl?

• Tom Brady's revenge -- Will Brady get an extremely small measure of revenge on the Giants for destroying his historic 19-0 season by ruining their shot at 13-7 immortality?
• New York vs. Boston -- Will these overlooked cities finally have their stories told by the national media?
• Eli Manning's emergence -- Will he complete his transformation from awkward dork to awkwardly successful dork?
• New England's place in history -- Can the Patriots win their first Super Bowl not tainted by SpyGate using surveillance technology not even conceived of 10 years ago?
• Indianapolis -- Why is this Super Bowl there and will either team get so bored that they leave before the game?

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Poll Who is the best quarterback remaining in the NFL playoffs?

• Tom Brady -- like Tim Tebow, he had many doubters during his first season as a starter
• Aaron Rodgers -- after Tim Tebow, he is the most mobile quarterback remaining in the playoffs
• Alex Smith -- many people called him a 1st round bust, yet like Tim Tebow, he has turned his career around
• T.J. Yates -- similar to Tim Tebow, he started the season as a 3rd stringer, yet guided his team into the postseason
• Joe Flacco -- sometimes he looks so awful, you wonder how he plays on a winning team, which is very Tim Tebowesque
• Eli Manning -- he holds the Tim Tebowian idea that girls have cooties, which allows him to focus solely on football
• Drew Brees -- he has something growing on his face just like Tim Tebow does, yet he has not let it distract him
• Tim Tebow -- he is the most authentically Tim Tebow of the remaining quarterbacks

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Poll Which NFL wildcard round team has the best shot at winning the Super Bowl?

• Bengals -- they're motivated to win in the limited window they have before Mike Brown completely destroys the young and promising team
• Broncos -- if they can develop a new, gimmicky offense that takes opponents 5 weeks to figure out, that will just get them through the Super Bowl
• Falcons -- no one fears them, which could possibly be an advantage if they're overlooked? Maybe?
• Giants -- If every play they call is "Pro Right Tango throw it straight up in the air to Victor Cruz," they're probably the favorites
• Lions -- as long as they don't have to face Matt Flynn or any other backup quarterbacks, they should definitely be competitive
• Saints -- they can light up both sides of the scoreboard just as well as the Packers or Patriots can
• Steelers -- If they can still field 11 uninjured and unsuspended players by early February, they should be a handful
• Texans -- the title of "worst quarterback to ever win a Super Bowl" is always there for the taking, and T.J. Yates would definitely be the worst ever

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Poll On a scale of 1 to 5, how excited are you about the start of the NBA season?

• 1 -- preseason quality at regular season prices: what's not to not like?
• 2 -- I'll probably get a little more excited as soon as the Heat lose
• 3 -- Like normal, I'll pay attention when the playoffs start, which I think is in about 2 weeks
• 4 -- I don't want to miss a single moment of watching the greatest team in NBA history: the Los Angeles Clippers
• 5 -- when people ask about my erection, I tell them it's for "basketball reasons"

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Poll Are the Packers still the favorite to win the Super Bowl?

• Yes -- but only because they won't reach the Super Bowl and find the Chiefs waiting to beat them down, thanks to the NFL's absurd requirement that only "good" teams make the playoffs
• Maybe -- they have serious problems on the offensive line and defense, but 50-50 Roger Goodell bans blocking and tackling by the playoffs, so they might be fine
• No -- I think the favorites are the Saints, Patriots and a new, shiny thing that just caught my attention

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Poll Should the Packers rest their starters or go for 16-0?

• rest all of them -- injuries are too risky; with Greg Jennings possibly out for the season, the Packers are down to just 7 or 8 elite receivers!
• rest some of them -- it might be interesting to see if Aaron Rodgers can beat the Chiefs in Week 15 literally all by himself
• go for 16-0 -- Jim Caldwell didn't go for 16-0 with the Colts a few years ago and it's a pretty good rule of thumb to always do the opposite of what Jim Caldwell does
• None of this matters if they don't win the Super Bowl! -- (I'm a real hoot at parties.)

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Poll Which of Green Bay's remaining opponents has the best chance of beating them?

• Raiders -- if a Carson Palmer overthrow hits Aaron Rodgers in the head on the sidelines and concusses him, anything could happen
• Chiefs -- if the Packers score, say, 105 points, the scoreboard will read: "Chiefs 6, Packers 05"
• Bears -- rivalry games are hard to predict, which is good because Aaron Rodgers vs. Caleb Hanie games are quite easy to predict
• Lions -- Detroit will be playing for its playoff life and the opportunity to get completely crushed by the Packers in the postseason

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Poll Will Tim Tebow ever lose another NFL game?

• YES -- NFL defenses are definitely going to figure out this gimmicky offense, possibly not until 2018 or so, but they will figure it out! MARK MY WORDS!
• MAYBE -- if he does lose, I'm sure it will be part of some greater plan that human minds simply can't comprehend
• NO -- what the Broncos are playing can't really be described as NFL football, so ... no, he will never lose an NFL game

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Poll Are the 49ers serious contenders to win the Super Bowl?

• Yes -- Jay Cutler broke his thumb. Who's to say Aaron Rodgers won't be next?
• Maybe -- Alex Smith is a game manager. But is he a Bowl manager? That remains to be seen.
• No -- It will be hard for them to reach the Super Bowl as the NFC's lowest seed, which is probably always reserved for the NFC West winner

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Poll What should the Denver Broncos name their new Tim Tebow offense?

• Bro-Style Offense
• I(ntangible)-Formation
• LOLcat Offense
• Spread WWJD
• rugby

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