Polls - Sports Pickle

How excited are you for the start of college football season?

no excitement -- several of my school's star players are carrying C averages and I fear football will cut into their studies
some excitement -- it will be nice to have people to drink with again in the parking lot until I pass out, but I wish they would join me on days other than just Saturday
very much excitement -- my erection is so big it is already being recruited by Lane Kiffin

Total Votes: 398

Is it a good idea to extend the NFL regular season to 18 games?

No -- making the Lions go 0-18 is just cruel
Maybe -- although I fear a shortened preseason will ruin the historical significance of preseason statistics
Yes -- the NFL will really be able to show it is serious about concussions when the entire postseason is played by backups

Total Votes: 658

Do you think Roger Clemens lied to Congress?

No -- but repeatedly using the term "misremember" should still result in a lengthy prison sentence
Maybe -- it was hard to tell because he didn't really sell his perjury as hard as someone like Rafael Palmeiro did
Yes -- and they should lock him up and throw away the key; although I suppose he will easily break out of prison, what with his huge, steroid muscles

Total Votes: 557

What do you think is the most useless golf rule?

Rule 42.11(a) -- a golfer may not kick his ball into the fairway, even if his playing partners aren't looking and, even if they were, are like halfway through a case of beer and wouldn't notice anyway
Rule 18.17(e) -- a golfer may not tackle his playing partner during his partner's backswing no matter how awesome it might be
Rule 1.08(d) -- at all times a golfer must dress and talk like a 49-year-old father of four who drives a minivan
Rule 53.14(t) -- if at any time a golfer is found to have had more than 20 affairs, he will be assessed a $100 million penalty by his wife

Total Votes: 487

Will Tiger Woods ever return to form?

No -- no golfer has ever recovered from shooting in the 70s four times in one tournament
Maybe -- but someone is going to have to blow him and fast
Yes -- he can again become an emotionless corporate robot. I believe in him (it?)

Total Votes: 629

What are your thoughts on Brett Favre's latest retirement waffling?

what a dick
seriously, f**k that guy
he should go away and die
the least he could do is have the proceeds of his egomania go to the Boys And Girls Club
I still haven't decided

Total Votes: 950

What team did the best at the MLB trade deadline?

Yankees -- just because even the dumbest guy in your fantasy league wouldn't trade for Lance Berkman or Kerry Wood doesn't mean those guys aren't still awesome at real baseball, right?
Rangers -- they make bankruptcy look good
Phillies -- it's okay they've mortgaged their future because they're in a win-now mode (excluding games in which their bullpen appears, which changes it more to a lose-now situation)
Cardinals -- Jake Westbrook struggled for the Indians, but he should quickly become a Cy Young candidate in the N.L.
Dodgers -- Lilly, Dotel, Theriot, Podsednik: all of them will be solid role players in Joe Torre's eventual book about his Dodger years
Padres -- they acquired some much-needed bats, which will save them a trip to the sporting goods store

Total Votes: 489

Do you agree with hazing rookies in the NFL?

No -- And anyone who disagrees is getting taped to that goalpost
Maybe -- I was traumitized in junior high football when the older players shoved a broomstick up me; although, admittedly, to this day it still gives me great posture
Yes -- carrying bags teaches a rookie his place on the team, especially when he's carrying the bags to the veteran's car because the vet has been cut to clear a roster spot for younger players

Total Votes: 480

Should Reggie Bush have to give back his Heisman?

NO -- it looks amazing on the mantle at his parents' mansion
MAYBE -- Gino Torretta should have to give his back first for being terrible, then Bush, then maybe O.J. for all the murdering
YES -- at the very least, it probably needs to be cleaned and refurbished in light of his relationship with Kim Kardashian

Total Votes: 656

Is golf a sport?

No -- although I'm torn, because it does admittedly have both the precision of bowling and the mental demands of poker
Maybe -- let me ask my caddy for his opinion when he gets up here with my clubs
Yes -- old, overweight men who chain smoke deserve to have a sport just as much as young, athletic people

Total Votes: 560