Polls

How is your NCAA Tournament bracket doing so far?
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How is your NCAA Tournament bracket doing so far?
  • a relationship between a man and his bracket is a private thing
  • so maybe this isn't the year a 16-seed wins a first round game ... and also a second round game ... and the national title
  • Which bracket do you mean? NCAA, NIT, CBI or women's? I'm doing horribly in all of them.
  • Great! My annual Final Four of UConn, UNC, Arizona and UCLA has yet to lose!
  • my NCAA Tournament bracket is a prick and we are no longer friends
  • Great! I nailed some upsets and I also [Editor's Note: Remainder of answer cut because no one cares]
Total Votes: 280
Which NCAA Tournament No. 1 seed has the toughest path to the Final Four?
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Which NCAA Tournament No. 1 seed has the toughest path to the Final Four?
  • Kentucky -- John Wall scheduled workouts for NBA teams on the weekend of the Elite Eight
  • Duke -- it's tough to get up for every game when you know your defeat would bring joy to tens of millions across the country
  • Kansas -- first round opponent Lehigh has many players taller than the American average for males of 5-foot-10
  • Syracuse -- no airlines fly direct from Syracuse to Indianapolis and, worst of all, most flights include a layover in Detroit
Total Votes: 372
What is the low point of North Carolina's 2009-2010 basketball season?
What is the low point of North Carolina's 2009-2010 basketball season?
  • in the waning moments of a 15-point home loss to Virginia, Roy Williams leaves to beat traffic
  • the team sets an NCAA record for the most slide whistle, fog horn and cuckoo clock sound effects in a single play
  • Michael Jordan puts only $60,000 on a Tar Heels game instead of his customary $300,000
  • despite a passionate halftime reading by Roy Williams of his bestseller "Hard Work", the Tar Heels still lose by 32 to Duke
  • the Harlem Globetrotters inquire about going on a 20-city tour with UNC during the summer
  • the Tar Heels play the entire season in girlish blue uniforms with argyle trim
Total Votes: 395
Who is the best available NFL free agent?
Who is the best available NFL free agent?
  • Julius Peppers, DE -- he can rush the passer and also help on the offensive glass
  • Thomas Jones, RB -- Jones has played for the Cardinals, Bears and Jets; he probably just really wants to win now
  • Chester Taylor, RB -- Taylor doesn't have the gaudy fumbling numbers of teammate Adrian Peterson, but he's very productive
  • Aaron Kampman, DE -- Kampman is white and plays for the Packers. Let's assume he's "tough", has "a lot of heart" and is a "great teammate".
  • Darren Sharper, S -- Sharper led the NFL in interceptions last year with the Saints, although he did get to play in the same division as Jake Delhomme
  • LaBrian Tomlinbrook, RB -- he's no longer in his prime, but he'll definitely sell some tickets to a team's dumber fans
Total Votes: 491
How will you remember the 2010 Vancouver Olympics?
How will you remember the 2010 Vancouver Olympics?
  • as those two crazy weeks when all of my fantasies included 40-something Canadian women curling
  • probably as well as I remember the 2005 Stockholm Olympics
  • I'll tell you as soon as NBC finishes airing everything on tape delay in May
  • as the Olympics that proved Michael Phelps was just a flash in the pan
  • Beats me. I vowed to never turn the TV on again after that auto-tune "We Are The World" during the Opening Ceremonies.
Total Votes: 528
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!
  • Yes -- But why do you have to scream the question? Jeez. We're witnessing a supernatural moment, and you're behaving like it's dollar drafts night at Hooters.
  • Maybe -- Did I unknowingly bet a large sum of money on this exact outcome?
  • No -- In my country, miracles don't believe in YOU!
Total Votes: 341
How would you grade Tiger Woods' press conference?
How would you grade Tiger Woods' press conference?
  • A -- seemed honest and sincere; chicks dig that
  • B -- well done, but he should have accentuated his main points with dramatic fist pumps
  • C -- I'm still waiting to hear from more sportswriters about what I should think about it
  • D -- his programmers should have uploaded a more humanesque operating system
  • F -- not a single swing tip in the entire 20 minutes??? What a selfish prick!
Total Votes: 506
Why isn't Tiger Woods allowing questions at his press conference?
Why isn't Tiger Woods allowing questions at his press conference?
  • questions have always been his biggest turn-on and he can't afford to have sex with anyone at this press conference
  • his people still haven't finalized his endorsement contract with Ask.com
  • you try concentrating on someone's question after a big breakfast at Perkins and a handful of Ambien
  • he'd love to but he's got to get way across town for an orgy scheduled for Noon
  • he's pretty sure his short, prepared statement will clear everything up
Total Votes: 216
What's the best part about having a gold medal?
What's the best part about having a gold medal?
  • if you flash it at any Denny's nationwide, it's good for one free side (Monday through Thursday only)
  • you can pass that guy in the dishwasher department with the band as the coolest employee at Home Depot
  • when the apocalypse comes and gold is the only currency, you'll be able to buy a week's worth of fuel and water
  • you can tell party guests: "Here. Use this coaster ... my gold f--king medal."
  • seeing it glistening in the light can almost make you forget that you didn't have a childhood
Total Votes: 439
Do you plan to watch the Winter Olympics?
Do you plan to watch the Winter Olympics?
  • Yes -- It's the only opportunity to see the best white athletes who grew up in cold climates compete all in once place!
  • Maybe -- I'll watch if all the competitors in every sport dress up in swan costumes like Johnny Weir
  • No -- I'm still watching NBC's coverage of the 2006 Winter Games on tape delay
Total Votes: 369