News Blake Griffin Draws 360, Windmill, Over-the-Back Foul
“Most of the NBA’s greatest floppers — your Vlade Divac, your Manu Ginobili — they took a bump and just fell backwards,” said Clippers head coach Vinny Del Negro. “Blake has taken it to the next level. The NBA has never had someone this big and strong and athletic who also dives to the ground at the slightest contact. It’s really something to witness.”
Griffin’s best flop of the night came in the second quarter when he drove the lane, had his left shoulder brushed into and then immediately snapped off a series of cartwheels, followed by a double, 360, twisting backflip that completed with on his back beyond the three-point line, writhing on the ground in faux pain.
“That was amazing,” said Clippers point guard Chris Paul. “Some of the stuff he was doing in drawing that foul, you only see in Olympic gymnastics or diving. Oh, wow … diving. That would be a great second sport for Blake. He already kind of competes in it.”
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News Cole Hamels Apologizes for Not Hitting Bryce Harper in His Stupid Face
“I don’t know what to say. I messed up,” said Hamels. “I hit him in the small of his back, so I missed my target by about three feet, as I wanted to hit hit square in his stupid goddam face. My lack of control on that pitch is not acceptable. I expect better from myself, and I will forever regret not plunking him square in his douche head.”
Hamels says he thinks he knows what happened on the pitch.
“I got so excited about the opportunity to smash his face, maybe to the point of knocking his helmet off and tearing a bald patch in his faux-hawk, blood pouring down his sideburns and into his mouth, that I overthrew,” said Hamels. “I won’t make that mistake again.”
Hamels also stressed that trying to hit Harper in the face wasn’t anything personal.
“I don’t know him at all,” said the pitcher, “although anyone who has met him says he’s unbearable. I wanted to hit him in in the face based on appearances alone, nothing else.”
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Opinion 10 Kentucky Derby Drinks That Aren't the Mint Julep
Mint Julep “Jockey Style” 
Make a traditional Mint Julep. Except instead of a regular glass, use a thimble.
Elite Mint Julep
A favorite of the horse owners! Make a traditional Mint Julep using only the most expensive, name brand ingredients — including melted glacier water and flecks of real gold — and then drink it out of a poor person’s skull.
Degenerate’s Julep
Lose the last bit of your savings betting on a long-shot on a random race on a Tuesday night. Then pick a half empty Budweiser can out of the trash and drink it.
Calipari Julep
Pay for all of the best Mint Julep ingredients. Age them for one year — NO LONGER! Drink and then do it all over again.
Brew of Barbaro
Collect the tears of a fat woman with lots of cats. Mix with horse blood and horse semen and drink it through a straw made from a hollowed-out equine leg bone.
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