"I don't want to give anything away, but trust me: it's good," said Stern. "This will go down as one of the greatest and most shocking series finales in television history."
Heat and Pacers players confirmed to reporters after their final morning walk-throughs today that Game 7 would create a lot of buzz.
"They didn't even let us see the outcome until this morning," said Dwyane Wade. "I flipped ahead right away to see how it ends. Wow. That's all I'll say. Wow."
Pacers center Roy Hibbert says he thinks viewers will be pleased with where the series leaves his character.
"I've gone from smart, fun-loving, up-and-coming NBA big man, to a profanity spouting homophobe to well, just tune in and see," he said. "We simply have amazing writers and a great director in David Stern. I'm lucky to work with them."
$200 million is a lot of money to pay a bunch of children.
#1 The Official Equipment Guy
You don't know exactly what his salary is, but it's apparently more than yours. Or, if he does make what you make, he is spending 90-percent of his income on softball equipment. He's got several top-of-the line bats, a brand new glove, two batting gloves, cleats, baseball pants, moisture-wicking performance apparel under his uniform, wrist bands and an expensive bag to keep it all in. Estimated retail price: way, way, way too much for a softball league that has a grand prize of a $14 plastic trophy.
It's all well and good, though, as long as this guy isn't control of any sort of budget at work. If he is, expect your company to go under by the end of the year, just after his $400,000 remodel of the reception area is completed.
#2 The Injury Machine
He has yet to make it through a single game without suffering a major injury. Sprained ankle, torn hamstring, broken finger. There was even that time he got attacked by a swarm of bees in center field. Cal Ripken played 2,632 consecutive games against the greatest competition in the world; this guy can't even make it through 7 innings against Davis Refrigeration.
And while his injuries hurt the performance of your softball team, it's even worse at work. Good luck impressing a prospective client when this guy hobbles into the meeting covered in open sores.
They're just reliving their high school football glory days.
The international friendly war was scheduled as a tune up for a possible World War in the coming years.
"It was good to get out there and work through some things," said U.S. General Martin Dempsey, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "I was happy with our performance, although there are still some things we need to work on. We didn't get to use ground troops very much, for example. Although that was mainly due to the Air Force winning it for us from above."
Belgian Prime Minister Elio Di Rupo, the Palace of the Nation building in flames behind him, said the United States exposed his country's defenses.
"We knew this was going to be a challenge, going up against the No. 1 ranked military in the world," said Di Rupo. "But I hoped we would perform a little bit better. We lost most of our infrastructure and hundreds of thousands of people. We really have a lot of work to do if we hope to be competitive in a world war. I appreciate the U.S. pulling back at the end. They could have nuked us."
Gallery May's Funniest Sports Photos
"I know our fans are very excited about this series, and it is well-known that both teams where the colors black and ye- well, I don't even want to say it, in case the words somehow summon the song," said Penguins general manager Ray Shero. "While on the ice we will be enemies, off the ice we agree that we don't want to hear that song ever again."
Khalifa's "Black and Yellow" came out in 2010 and earned heavy play during the Steelers' run to an AFC title. Its life was extended in the spring of 2011 when Boston fans adopted the Pittsburgh rapper's hit and played it during the Bruins' Stanley Cup title march.
"It wasn't so bad two or three years ago, I guess," said Bruins general manager Peter Chiarelli. "But, my god, I don't know if I can take a rebirth. Plus, it's really more of a Pittsburgh song, which makes it kind of pathetic for Boston fans to use it. Hell, let's let Pittsburgh own that ear murder."