Clearly just a ploy to pander to the toddler boy market.
"The guys have shown they can win without me," said Rose, who tore his ACL more than a year ago and was cleared by doctors to play two months ago. "But I think I can contribute under the right circumstances."
Rose says he talked to Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau this morning and assured him that he will return if the Brooklyn-Chicago series goes to a "Game 8" or if the Bulls reach the "gold medal round of the playoffs."
"I told him: 'Thanks so much, Derrick. Way to step up for the team,'" said Thibodeau. "'No one will think you're a pussy now.' Of course, these are things I have to keep saying publicly. I of course personally think he's being a pussy and don't know if I can ever trust him as a player again. But publicly: 'The Chicago Bulls continue to stand behind Derrick Rose's personal timeline for his return.' Make sure you quote me on that part."
#1 David Stern and the Frozen Envelope
The Theory: Before the 1985 NBA Draft lottery, Stern perhaps along with other top NBA executives had the envelope containing the Knicks' card frozen so Stern would be able to feel it by touch and know to leave it for the No. 1 overall pick, handing Patrick Ewing to the Knicks.
Why It Might Be True: The NBA has long wanted the big market Knicks to be good, Stern is a New York native, the team was in the toilet at the time and Patrick Ewing was the most desired rookie to come along in years. Plus, Stern has never struck anyone as the most ethical fellow.
Why It Might Be False: If David Stern was in the business of rigging things so the Knicks would be good, he would have had Isiah Thomas killed years ago. In fact, you have to wonder if there's a conspiracy against the Knicks.
Take THAT, Lance Armstrong.
News NBA Requests That All Insults of Carmelo Anthony's Wife be Submitted in Writing Prior to Tip-Off
"I get that opponents want to say horrible things about Carmelo's wife," said Stern. "They have made that abundantly clear. Insulting LaLa has become part of the fabric of this great game. I just request that it be taken care of before the game begins, so we don't have any incidents in the final minutes or postgame when players should be focusing more on basketball and not quite as much on good zingers about Mrs. Anthony."
The Boston Celtics expressed disappointment in Stern's mandate.
"I'll be honest: I know I have almost no shot of winning another ring with the Celtics," said Kevin Garnett. "The only reason I'm still playing is to say stuff to Carmelo about LaLa during games."
Yet minutes after Stern's announcement, the Celtics submitted 78 pages of cruel jokes about Carmelo's wife.
"We have a lot of material," said Celtics guard Jordan Crawford. "We would have sent more, but our printer ran out of ink."
Because hockey broadcasters are the coolest cats in town!
"It's good conversation at parties or whatever to tell people that you live near a former pro athlete," said Rinaldi, who lives three houses away from Collins in Los Angeles. "But that's all ruined now."
Rinaldi said she mentioned to a friend yesterday that she lived near Jarron Collins and the friend replied: "Oh, wow? The gay athlete who came out?"
"No. No, not him," said Rinaldi. "That's Jason Collins. I live near Jarron Collins, his twin brother."
"Oh. Too bad," he friend said. "Well, maybe Jason will come visit sometime. He's really famous."
"Yeah," said Rinaldi.
It's the same for friends of the now much lesser-known Collins twin.
"Jarron is a great guy and I think the world of him," said lifelong friend Doug Mason. "But now I kind of feel like I'm friends with Steve Robinson, Jackie Robinson's brother. Or Jeff Armstrong, the brother of Neil Armstrong. You know what I mean? It would be cooler to know the guy who walked on the moon, not the guy who once shared a bedroom with the guy who walked on the moon."
Lebron James and James Woods!
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