"We don't know yet how far his recruitment extends," said CIA Director Leon Panetta. "Maybe foreign governments were involved. Who knows? But I know one way I can look into it would be getting 50-yard-line tickets for the Alabama game this Saturday, as well as next week's game against South Carolina."
Panetta said the CIA would then present the findings of its investigation the following Saturday in a luxury box at the SEC Championship Game. But he scoffed at implications the CIA taking an interest in the case was to get tickets.
How do they not know one of the most boring players of all-time?
The Miami Heat issued their fans the following tip sheet last week:
Now they're coming out with more helpful tips for everyone else in the arena:
No wonder soccer is so low-scoring.
In fairness, the goal hadn't closed its mouth all night.
"We're not bluffing," said owner Daniel Snyder. "I think we have a track record that shows that here in Washington. Fail to perform and you'll get paid."
While that approach may seem counter-intuitive as far as building a winner, the Redskins owner argues it is completely logical.
C: Bengie Molina Binomial Gene
Well, the binomial here would be pizza + cupcakes and the gene would be the obesity gene. Molina is a man of many dinners, and the first ever-professional baseball player to go into a World Series guaranteed of a championship ring. Unfortunately for him, it was not a peach ring.
1B: Carlos Pena Anal Corpse
After putting up a diarrhea-inducing .196 batting average, Pena's $10.125 million salary in 2010 ranks him right up there with this year's BP oil spill in regards to good financial outcomes.
2B: Craig Counsell Solacing Ulcer
Tucked away in the bowels of my attic is a very old, very smelly Kermit the Frog blanket. I grew up with that thing. It helped me fight many a cold, several bouts of the flu, and never failed to keep me warm during a new episode of Family Matters or Home Improvement. Even though I've since moved on to a more modern linen-scented comforter, I just can't bring myself to get rid of that dilapidated stink blanket. Craig Counsell is no different, having become a comforting inconvenience, albeit acidic in nature.
Video Fan Leveled By Security
WAC fans are really no more elusive than WAC players.