C: Bengie Molina Binomial Gene
Well, the binomial here would be pizza + cupcakes and the gene would be the obesity gene. Molina is a man of many dinners, and the first ever-professional baseball player to go into a World Series guaranteed of a championship ring. Unfortunately for him, it was not a peach ring.
1B: Carlos Pena Anal Corpse
After putting up a diarrhea-inducing .196 batting average, Pena's $10.125 million salary in 2010 ranks him right up there with this year's BP oil spill in regards to good financial outcomes.
2B: Craig Counsell Solacing Ulcer
Tucked away in the bowels of my attic is a very old, very smelly Kermit the Frog blanket. I grew up with that thing. It helped me fight many a cold, several bouts of the flu, and never failed to keep me warm during a new episode of Family Matters or Home Improvement. Even though I've since moved on to a more modern linen-scented comforter, I just can't bring myself to get rid of that dilapidated stink blanket. Craig Counsell is no different, having become a comforting inconvenience, albeit acidic in nature.
Video Fan Leveled By Security
WAC fans are really no more elusive than WAC players.
He may be the least athletic person on the entire campus, yet for some reason a cruel God placed him in a 7-foot body. And now your school's head coach and his ego foolishly believe they can form this giant freak into the next Wilt Chamberlain.
He'll never be more than a role player, hunched and wheezing as he plods down the court, and every point he ever scores will be thanks to entry passes deflecting off of his brick hands and into the hoop, but he will come through with some clutch fouls in his career. His biggest accomplishment will be convincing attractive girls on campus that he is a future NBA millionaire, when in fact all they really hooked up with was an asthmatic with a pituitary disorder.
Unlike the 7-foot freak, The Leaper is flush with athletic ability. He's quick, ripped and can jump out of the gym. If you could scientifically engineer a basketball player, this is who you would create.
Probably the only negative about The Leaper is that he's not actually all that good at basketball. He's great if you feed him on the fastbreak, but other than that he's kind of lost on the court and prone to turnovers and concentration lapses. Some people say he needs to work more on his game, but he does that already; he spends 5 hours a day working on dunking fundamentals.
It's paying off, too. Remember that dunk he had in his seven-turnover performance last year when your team was eliminated in the conference tournament? It's got more than a million YouTube views now. AWESOME!
The 90th trimester seems a little late.
"I didn't have any problems getting my game wrap posted," said Jags-Talk's founder and sole writer, John Mulhally. "And good thing, because that win over the Texans was huge."
4Chan users targeted the blog after Mulhally had expressed anger over a picture of an overweight Jaguars fan originally posted on Jags-Talk had found its way to 4Chan where the woman's appearance was being ruthlessly mocked.
"That sort of thing gives the Internet a bad name," said Mulhally. "I think the web can be an outlet for positive ideas. I still feel bad about my post earlier this year saying Jack Del Rio should be fired. I'm glad it only got 7 page views."
Those comments, which many 4Chan users described as "gay", set off last night's DDoS attack on Jags-Talk. But the site is unbowed.
He's probably trying to distract people from the fact that he coaches at a place called Morehead State.