Playlist The 15 Best Sports Videos of 2010
Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010
Every four years the World Cup is held and serves as a celebration of the sport by billions around the world. It's also a high-profile opportunity to win over the unconverted.
That's what happens at most World Cups.
Whereas the 2010 World Cup was mainly about loud, plastic horns. We learned that these annoying noisemakers called vuvuzelas were an African tradition. You see, hundreds of years ago when the continent was still filled by warring tribes, the vuvuzela was blown when a tribe's territory was breached. The sound of the vuvuzela would annoy the invaders away and peace would be restored. (Why were they being invaded in the first place? Probably in hopes of learning how to make plastic centuries before it was developed in the West.)
Fast-forward to the Summer of 2010 and South Africans chose to celebrate their annoying plastic horn heritage at the World Cup. And while it was indeed quite annoying, it also united the world in the hatred of the vuvuzela in a way soccer never has.
For one month this summer we truly became one world. One world holding our ears.
And while it was a magical time, I think we all hope that the vuvuzelas will go away forever and that we can again enjoy the true soundtrack of international soccer: hate-filled, racist, xenophobic, nationalistic chanting interspersed with gasps from the crowd as a player misses a shot.
Five missed shots in a row. They're like the Sacramento Kings of soccer.
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Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010
Tiger's humiliating downfall began at the end of 2009. But it was in 2010 that he truly hit rock bottom with sex rehab, the press conference, the divorce and the being mediocre at golf.
And while all that was bad, the true bottom for Tiger Woods came on April 10, 2010, when, according to Internet research firms, 100-percent of e-mails sent that day were Tiger Woods joke forwards. Yes, the man who just months before was seen as the perfect athlete on and off the course was the subject of an e-mail forward from your Aunt Cindy that included 17 golf/sex euphemisms.
But that e-mail forward from you Aunt Cindy also began Tiger Woods' comeback. Every possible joke about him had been made. Tiger Woods jokes quickly became groan-inducing like a Perkins waitress with a big rack. (See?)
Farewell, 2010. And farewell to Tiger Woods-as-punchline. In 2011 we want to see you wiggle your shaft, grab your balls and put it in the hole again and again on the way to a 69. And we won't even laugh. We promise.
"I don't know if this is some kind of cruel fking joke or what," said Ryan, of the package that was sent to his house. "But everyone who knows me knows I want to see feet. The more feet the better."
The gift of socks, which had a Boston postmark, was balanced out by Ryan's wife giving him a 12-by-6-foot mural of her toes.
"That's the greatest piece of art I've ever seen," said Ryan. "It's beyond art, really. No art could be this amazing. Only feet."
Rex says he plans to have the mural hung above the couple's foot-shaped bed. He used the socks to stoke the fire.
"Socks are great kindling," he said. "Nothing is better for getting wooden shoes burning."
Mrs. Ryan said she was very pleased with the 5-karat diamond toe ring her husband got her for Christmas, as well as the foot lingerie.
Opinion A Very Manning Family Christmas
Gee, thanks for my Sponge Bob knapsack, Santa!
Okay, kid gift time is over. What did you get me?
(Peyton and Eli pick up a big box from under the tree and place it at their father's feet.)
Wow! It's huge!
I chipped in for the paper and the bow.
Who are you again?
Cooper. Your oldest.
My oldest what? Failure?
Shut up, failure.
(Archie excitedly tears into the package and opens up the top of box. He pulls out a sweater.)
What the? What is this? A fking sweater?
Yeah, dad. We thought it would look good on you. You know, for TV. I got it at the best men's clothier in all of Indianapolis!
Indianapo-? let me tell you little turds something. I don't even like football, okay? I played it for you. I went to college for you. I toiled for years for that piece of crap Saints franchise for you. I learned all about the game for you. So one day I could raise two sons, teach them everything about the game, and they could go on to become the two highest-paid players in the NFL. Why? So they would be super rich and I could get some kickass Christmas gifts.
Umm three sons, dad.
Shut up, Cooper. Your ashamed father is talking.
What you need: Roll of duct tape ($3).
How to make it: Form the tape into a ball.
Give the gift: Tell the recipient that it's a baseball.
They may say something like: "What? This is just a ball of duct tape."
To which you can then respond: "Ohhhhhh. I'm sorry. Some of the greatest baseballs players of all-time learned the game playing in the street with balls made of rags or tape. But I forgot: you're so much better than them! I'll run right out and get you a baseball that meets your needs. Do you want me to get one that has the seams stitched with gold thread? Will that suffice, fancy boy? Or does your personal coach supply all of your equipment?"
1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.
1 In those days the athletic director issued a decree that the coach must start winning and soon. 2 (This was the first such demand since he was hired to replace the AD who had hired the coach.) 3 And everyone went to message boards to spread rumors.
4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
4 So the coach went up from the football office on campus in the middle of the state to the high school of David, because he had a good relationship with the head coach of the team there, David. 5 He went there to talk with the Mary, whose son played for the school and was a very athletic child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the boy to play, 7 and she cheered him on, her son. And she stressed to the coach that they had no clothes, and that they were going to get evicted and there was no room for them at the inn.
Let's hope he also has a strong face. (via Page 2)