The first step towards fitness is taking an acid trip.
"Many people don't realize this, but 'that' is not the real reason they play the games. Far from it," said former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who oversaw thousands of games during his tenure from 1989 to 2005. "In fact, 'that' has never been the reason. When I was commissioner, we played the games exclusively because we had developed a business model requiring games to be played. There was nothing else to it. 'That' was the farthest thing from our minds."
Tagliabue said he once presented 'that' as the reason for the games to be played when negotiating the league's TV contract with network executives and was laughed out of the room. And while the former commissioner and other professional sports executives confirm 'that' is not the reason they play the games, there was similar agreement in the amateur ranks.
"'That'? As the reason they play the games? Hell, no," said Little League president Jeff Connor. "They play the games to learn the fundamentals, to compete, to learn teamwork and to have fun. That is why, not 'that'. Definitely not 'that.' And that's a fact."
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Maybe there the Super Bowl is the name of an exhibition game against the Redskins.
Wiffeball hitters will need to take steroids to match him.
Gallery 15 Fan Sign Failures
Ha! Fans are dumb. (Not you. The other ones.)
"Coach Lombardi was great in his day and will always be looked on with great respect," read the league's statement on the change. "But we must adapt with the times and recognize the true greatest coach of all-time: Jim Harbaugh, who led Stanford to a victory over the ACC champion in the Discover Orange Bowl."
In addition to the Discover Orange Bowl win, the NFL cited Harbaugh's long list of accomplishments:
- two Pioneer League championships while coaching at I-AA University of San Diego
- an 8-5 season at Stanford in 2009
- an appearance in the 2009 Brut Sun Bowl
- a 29-21 career coaching record
- being the "must-have" football coach of the 2010-2011 off-season
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said putting Harbaugh's name in place of Lombardi's is very deserved.
"Teams are talking about paying him $6 or $7 million a year! He has to be great to be commanding that kind of money," said the commissioner. "I know we won't regret making this decision, like early last year when we renamed the Lombardi Trophy the Josh McDaniels Trophy or in 2006 when we called it the Mangenius Medal."
They might not be the best college football team, but they are the funniest.