Opinion "Jay Cutler Visits The Doctor": A Short Play
- Dr. Steve
Hi, Jay. How are you today?
- Cutler
Hi, Dr. Steve. I'm okay.
- Dr. Steve
Really? Lovie told me you hurt your knee.
- Cutler
Yeah, I guess so.
- Dr. Steve
You guess so? Lovie said you couldn't go out and play yesterday because of it.
- Cutler
Yeah.
- Dr. Steve
Well, which knee is it? I'll take a look and we'll see what we can do.
- Cutler
It's my left one. Or maybe my right one. I can't really remember.
- Dr. Steve
You can't remember? Well, it can't hurt that bad.
- Cutler
I don't know. I'm pretty tough.
- Dr. Steve
Jay?
- Cutler
Yes, Dr. Steve?
- Dr. Steve
Did you just make up this whole story so you could come here today and get a lollipop?
- Cutler
No.
- Dr. Steve
Jay?
- Cutler
Can I have a lollipop?
- Dr. Steve
Jay, we've talked about how lollipops are bad for you.
- Cutler
But I like lollipops.
- Dr. Steve
But your diabetes, Jay. You can't have them.
- Cutler
I know.
- Dr. Steve
And Jay?
- Cutler
Yeah, Dr. Steve?
- Dr. Steve
You're almost 28 years-old now. I like you. But it's probably time you stop coming to see me. I am a pediatrician. A kid's doctor. The mural on the wall behind you is of a teddy bear holding balloons.
Picture Crazy Eyes Girl Trying to Steal Coach K's Soul
Jokes on you, girl: Mike Krzyzewski has no soul.
Video Mark Sanchez Wipes Snot On Mark Brunell
It's really all Mark Brunell is good for.
Opinion 4 Tribute Songs That Will Make You Hate All 4 Remaining NFL Teams
Chicago Bears: "Hest Is The Best"
Sample lyric: Hest is the best, meets the test, you know the man is blessed.
Poetic license is fine, but there are limits. You can't change the name of the person your song is dedicated to just to make it fit your chorus. And Devin Hester's nickname is not "Hest." Notice that in 1985 there was no "Payt Is So Great" song.
What this song says about the team: This isn't a tribute song for a quarterback or a defense or a star receiver. No, it's a song about a kick returner. When your most tribute-worthy player is a kick returner, that's how you become a home underdog in a conference championship game.
Performance notes: If you are a performer lauding someone's speed and athletic ability, you should try not to be so obese that you have to slump against a stage when you sing.
News Clay Matthews Thinking of Trying Out That P90X
"It's pretty popular," said Matthews of the workout DVD series. "I was at a party a few weeks ago and a guy there was swearing by it. He had only been doing it for a week but said he could already see a big difference. I'm surprised I've been able to get into the shape I am without ever doing P90X."
Matthews, who can bench 225 pounds 30 times, squat 500 pounds, run a 4.6 40 and has a 36-inch vertical, hopes P90X can "take him to the next level."
"I overheard a guy at the mall say he's in the best shape he's been in in years," says Matthews. "He was holding his daughter in his arms like it was nothing. And my cousin said her co-worker did P90X for 3 months and lost, like, 12 pounds. He sent in a YouTube video to their site and everything. I don't know if they used it or not."
Packers strength and conditioning coordinator Tom Corbick said he is trying to discourage Matthews from switching to P90X.
"This is like 1996 when Mark Chmura decided he was only going to do Tae Bo. He had the worst season of his career," said Corbick. "I hate when these fad workouts come along. Ooh! Eat right and workout hard for 6 days a week over a 90-day period … wow! What an ingenious idea!"
Picture Rich Rodriguez: The Jobless Coach with the Golden Playbook
RichRod thinks the man with the golden voice is Josh Groban. (via @ChadWalters40)
