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"Emo is just more where I'm at in my musical evolution right now," said the commissioner at a press conference, slumped in a chair behind a microphone and sporting a new black hairdo and what appeared to be black eyeliner. "I guess with this labor deal coming up and all the criticism thrown my way I'm getting more in touch with my emotions. And there is sadness there. There is angst."

Goodell said he simply could not stand by and let the Black Eyed Peas play his league's premier event.

"It's corporate sh-t music," said the commissioner. "I see that now. I used to be into all of that Top 40 crap, but my eyes have been opened. I'm finally seeing the world the way it is. And it's so f—ked."

The commissioner was first introduced to emo music last weekend by his 15 year-old niece, Shelley Goodell, at a family gathering. Since then he has completely changed his look, his circle of friends and has covered the walls of his Manhattan office with band posters.

"We wanted to change things a bit so race winners get the most benefit," said NASCAR president Bill France. "We don't want consistent mediocrity to get someone in the Chase. Unless that person is named 'Dale.'"

Under the new system, a driver will get a minimum of 43 points and a maximum of 48 points for winning a race. A base of 10,000 points will be given to drivers named 'Dale.'"

"I am really excited about the new points system," said Dale Earnhardt, Jr. "For the first time in years I feel like I have a great chance to win. Not win races, of course. That still seems unlikely. But win the Chase due to my name being 'Dale.'"