Opinion The 9 People You'll See At Every Golf Course
The Misogynist
Description: He doesn't so much enjoy golf as he enjoys having an environment where it's acceptable to complain about women and crudely talk about sex. Leave a putt short or hit a weak drive? "Come on, Sally! You hit that like a pussy! Nice skirt! Does your husband play?" Hit a putt past the hole or crush a drive? "Whoa! Someone's wife isn't giving him enough of the poontang! Look at all that extra aggression!" Whatever The Misogynist shoots in a round, put him down for double that number on uses of the terms "old lady" and "ole' ball and chain."
Fun Fact: The Misogynist has been banned from 12 courses for trying to feel up the beverage cart girl.
The Rules Official
Description: He has read the USGA rules book two dozen times and has a copy of it in his golf bag that he will display at a moment's notice. You better not be trying to move your ball out of that mud patch in the middle of the fairway because, according to Rule 13-b(1.4), that particular mud patch, due to its lack of distinguishing marks, does not fit the criteria for "ground under repair." I mean, sure, if you want to play that way, fine. But if this was the US Open you'd be getting a significant penalty.
Fun Fact: The Rules Official received a severe beating in 8th grade after reminding his math teacher that she had forgotten to assign homework.
April 7, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Gym: Issue #12
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.
I have worked at a gym for quite a while. I was talking to a member once about the steam room and the reason I never go in it; I consider it a sess pool. His response, after telling me how relaxing it was, went along the lines of: "Well, if you do, don't sit on the bottom step," and made the motion of jerking off. Needless to say, that was more than enough incentive to never step foot in a steam room again.
- Pat
My schedule of classes got switched around this semester, so my workout times have changed to the early morning. It's unreal the difference of people based on what time of day it is. I was accustomed to a steady dose of former high school athletes, fraternity/sorority types, and, in general, your typical, run of the mill college students in the mid afternoon, but I got a glimpse of the "morning crowd" on the first day of classes.
The very first words I heard coming into the weight room: "Ya know, there's always been paranoia about the zombie apocalypse. But I'm starting to buy in to it and get freaked out. Stuff's happening man, I just want some answers… ."
Welcome to the morning crowd.
- Mark
News Brian Wilson's Beard Apparently MLB's Entire 2011 Marketing Campaign
"Have you seen him?" said MLB commissioner Bud Selig. "He has a beard. But not just any beard. It's a dark black beard and it's large — almost comically so. Plus, he's really intense about his beard. So we're very confident that Brian Wilson and his beard will resonate all across the country and get people excited about baseball."
Wilson, or Wilson's beard, has been pushed heavily since the Giants won the World Series last October. The Wilson/beard combo is a frequent interview subject and the star of several national ad campaigns, including spots for MLB and ESPN.
"You see, he has a big beard and has had two successful seasons in the major leagues," said Rob Brandon, MLB Director of Marketing. "There's really no way to beat that. It writes itself, just like how facial hair grows itself. But unlike most men, Brian doesn't shave so that's what makes him so cool and marketable. It couldn't be clearer."
While Wilson and his beard remain the sport's focal point for 2011, MLB officials say they are open to also promoting other above-average players with unusual growths or poor hygiene.
Picture America Still Confident That Phil Mickelson is a Choker
At times like this I remember what a great country this is.
Link 20 Awkward Basketball Photos
Featuring no WNBA pictures. Because that would just be rude.
Picture Raul Ibanez is Checking for a Hernia
Who needs a cup when you just keep your hand there?
Video Sleeping Yankees Fan Gets Cups Stacked On His Head
It's slightly less funny if he's dead.
News Twitter Helping You Grow To Hate All of Your Favorite Athletes
"I love the NBA and I've always liked how Lebron James plays the game and how he's stayed out of trouble and has had a great career despite all of the pressure on him since an early age," said Kris Mazur, an NBA fan in New York. "So when I heard he was active on Twitter I decided to join up and follow him. Three days later and there is no other athlete I have ever despised more than Lebron James."
Mazur's story is similar to many other fans on Twitter across all sports — from basketball and football to NASCAR and golf — who had hoped to follow their favorite athletes beyond news reports and soundbites.
"I eventually had to delete my Twitter account because I realized that I had started to root against every athlete and every team," said Dallas sports fan Kendall Riley. "Twitter was ruining sports for me. I've learned that it's better I just watch them perform on the field and not know that they can't spell, are stunningly egotistical or misogynistic, or just generally uninteresting and douchey."
