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The New York Yankees today signed renowned sports surgeon Dr. James Andrews to an exclusive 10-year, $200 million deal that will prohibit him from operating on the elbows, shoulders and knees of any athlete not in the Yankee organization.

"The Yankee organization strives to have the best of the best," said Yankees general manager Brian Cashman. "And Dr. Andrews is by far the best surgeon in the field of sports medicine. We're proud to have him. We're also excited because now if anyone gets hurt on any other team, they're pretty much screwed," he added laughing, as he high-fived fellow Yankees executives.

Dr. Andrews has long practiced at the Andrews Sports Medicine and Orthopedic Center in Alabama, Birmingham, and is the go-to surgeon for ligament injuries including "Tommy John surgery," which repairs torn elbow ligaments in pitchers.

"For years I have made my services available to everyone," said Dr. Andrews. "But I'm 69 years-old now. Most surgeons are long-since retired. But I'm going to keep going. I just feel it's my right to cash in a little bit. And the Yankees are always the place for an older person in baseball to do that."

The NFL Players Association announced today that if a resolution on a new collective bargaining agreement is not reached soon, the players may take steps towards playing the 2011 season with replacement owners.

"There are a lot of old, rich, white men out there who would happily step in and serve as an owner for a few months or however long they're needed," said NFLPA chief DeMaurice Smith. "Replacement owners might not be able to be greedy and sit there in a luxury box watching the players play football at the same level as the current owners, but I'm sure the fans wouldn't notice much of a difference in the on-field product they tune in every week to see."

The announcement has caused panic among current NFL ownership, who had never considered that the players could use replacement owners, just as the owners used replacement players during the 1987 labor impasse. The NFLPA's proposal has received strong public support.

"Oh, crap," said Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie. "Sometimes we owners forget that absolutely no one comes to a stadium or turns on a game to watch us own. We might be screwed here. This new NFLPA guy isn't nearly as incompetent as past ones they've had."