#1 Hidden Ball Trick
Basic Instructions: Conceal the location of the ball from the baserunner in hopes he strays away from the base, allowing you to then tag him out.
Advanced Instructions: Take a ton of steroids to help you hit home runs against unsuspecting pitchers. Meanwhile, your balls will disappear.
#2 Surprise Onside Kick
Basic Instructions: Line up for a regular kickoff, but have your kicker tap the ball only 10 yards ahead in hopes of catching the opposition by surprise so you can regain possession of the ball.
Advanced Instructions: Turn the prank on your kicker by just standing there after he kicks the ball, leaving him as the only player on your team trying to chase it down. It will be hilarious when the little guy gets creamed by the opposing team.
#3 Pump Fake
Basic Instructions: Feign taking a jump shot, but don't leave the ground. This can cause your defender to leap into the air or lose his balance, allowing you to drive past him to the basket or shoot uncontested.
Advanced Instructions: If you just got pump-faked by someone, when they go up to shoot as you are coming back down to the ground, punch them in the crotch Kevin Garnett-style. Prank back at you!
March 31, 2011 Column
The Game: Issue #5
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.
I was at a Phillies playoff game a few years ago waiting in a long line for the urinals. A guy was on his phone while he was taking a leak and he dropped his phone directly into the piss-filled urinal.
He stood there staring down for a few seconds as laughter spread through the bathroom. The guy then reached down and grabbed his phone and as he pulled it up from the urinal the entire bathroom began cheering in unison.
When I left the bathroom there was a group of people standing outside asking about all the cheering coming from the bathroom. By far the most fun I've ever had waiting to piss.
As a Canadian at a home game for the Phoenix Coyotes I expected people to not know what has going on. But this one guy kept screaming "THE MIDDLE! THE MIDDLE!" when there wasn't even anyone in the middle of the ice. Then he starts yelling numbers and to "HIT HIM!" even though the guy with those numbers didn't have the puck. I'm pretty sure this guy thought he was watching football on ice.
My freshman year at Wisconsin I went to every football game. At each of the first three home games of the season, someone behind me and it was a different person every time puked on my back before the end of the first quarter. When it didn't happen in the fourth game it almost seemed weird. I ended up transferring but not because of the vomit.
"I may be old," said the 83 year-old Scully, "but I'm not stupid. I know that the only way to have any relevance in this business and to make an impact is to come up with a good catchphrase. Unfortunately, that kind of thing has never been a strong point for me."
But starting this season, Scully says he will yell "BIG BITCH BABY!" after every Dodgers home run.
"I think it's something you'll hear kids saying and that you'll see on t-shirts," said Scully. "I'm mainly going to use it on home run calls. So as the ball clears the fence, I'll yell 'Back, way back and it's a BIG BITCH BAAAABBBBYYYYYY!' But it can also work on close plays at the plate, like if there's a collision or something: 'And BOOM! BIG BITCH BABY!' I'm pretty much going to work it in as much as possible so it becomes popular."
I can see one can of creamed corn. Maybe.
She will always be relevant, because Fridays and cereal will never go away.