Archive

(Page 320)
March 31, 2011

Opinion What Your Favorite Baseball Team Says About You

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Filed Under   MLB
March 30, 2011

Video Ottawa Senators Fans Still Love Rebecca Black

She will always be relevant, because Fridays and cereal will never go away.

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Filed Under   NHL   Ottawa Senators
April 4, 2011

News Reports: You Will Eventually Grow To Despise Butler Head Coach Brad Stevens

While Butler head coach Brad Stevens is currently the fresh-faced, Goliath-slaying darling of the NCAA Tournament, many say it won't be long before you hate him as much as every other elite coach in college basketball.

"This is pretty much the honeymoon phase for Brad Stevens with America," said Dr. Peter Wolcomb, a behavioral studies professor at Butler University. "Success breeds contempt. And success in college basketball, which is a disgusting cesspool of filth and deceit, breeds suspicion. Soon he'll be as loathed as Mike Krzyzewski, Jim Calhoun, John Calipari … or really any college basketball coach you can name."

With Butler now on the national radar thanks to back-to-back trips to the Final Four, even the slightest hint of misbehavior from the program will be seen as evidence Stevens is no better or cleaner than any other coach.

"Say one of their players gets a speeding ticket," said Harvard sociology department chair Dr. Emmett Baker. "Or you hear that someone on the team is taking a fairly easy major. You will then project all of your negative opinions of college basketball on the Butler program and Stevens himself, presuming what you've heard is only the tip of the iceberg and that Butler players are paid six-figures and plied with high-priced strippers — all under the direction of Brad Stevens."

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Filed Under   NCAAB   Butler Bulldogs   Brad Stevens
April 4, 2011

Opinion Flowchart: Who Should You Root For in the Final Four?

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March 29, 2011

Picture Nothing Honors Johnny Unitas Like Anal-Related Tattoos

This is what a drunken night in Baltimore leaves you with. Also: the clap. (via KSK)

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Filed Under   NFL   Indianapolis Colts   Johnny Unitas
March 29, 2011

News Government Successfully Convicts Barry Bonds of Having Shrunken Testicles

A jury today failed to convict former baseball slugger Barry Bonds on four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice, but the all-time home runs leader was found guilty on a single count of having small testicles.

"You always hope for a full conviction on every charge," said federal prosecutor Jeff Nedrow. "But we did get him on the one that is by far the most embarrassing and the one people will talk about."

For having shrunken testicles, Bonds will receive the federally suggested jail time of zero days in jail. The judge did, however, suggest that everyone make fun of Bonds and point and laugh at him when they see him in the street.

"It is the opinion of this court," said judge Susan Illston, "that anyone who sees Mr. Bonds from this day forward should say stuff like: 'Ha-ha! You have small balls!' And: 'Hey, Mr. Tiny Balls!' And … well, various iterations of those. Coming up with taunts about small testicles is not really my strength. Basically, just make fun of him for having iddy bitty testicles, okay?"

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Filed Under   MLB   San Francisco Giants   Barry Bonds
March 29, 2011

Picture Shawn Marion's Finger In Its Natural State

So it's not only his shooting motion that's weird. (via ESPN Dallas)

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Filed Under   NBA   Dallas Mavericks   Shawn Marion