The New England Patriots star admitted today that his overtly feminine behavior in recent years, behavior that has intensified in the past few weeks, has just been an elaborate ruse intended to show "the discordant link between celebrity perception and reality in our culture."
"I'm not really this soft and lady-like," said Brady, grabbing at the long, flowing hair framing his face. "I don't really want to look like this. I mean, come on. I don't really start crying when I talk about the NFL Draft. I don't really wear pigtails. I don't really wear Uggs. I don't dance by myself to Samba music. I don't have my wife feed me grapes poolside. I don't I can't even remember everything I've done anymore. There's been so much and it's gone on for so long."
Brady says he began his experiment after his breakup with former girlfriend Bridget Moynahan.
"I felt the media didn't cover that fairly, that I was painted as the bad guy, so I decided to mess with them," says Brady, "by experimenting with my appearance and behavior."
Purchase their next t-shirt: "Patrick Ewing won a title at Georgetown, HATERS!"
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It has been
since Tiger Woods last won a major. Already the whispers have started:
"Has he clinched his crown as the greatest golfer ever?"
"Is he in a slump?"
"Has the sport passed him by for good?"
as he has been, you can't discount the presence of
golf's young guns.
doubts about his character.
Playlist 10 Hall of Fame Sports Fails
Augusta National: A challenging run of holes on the back 9 holes 11, 12 and 13 made famous on television by picturesque azaleas and dogwoods in bloom.
Your Course: That par-4 on the back-corner of the course that has a sharp dog-leg because the course designer ran out of real estate when the hole butted up against the interstate. On the other side of the highway there is a pentecostal church with a big, neon JESUS SAVES sign that you hear humming on the green (when there isn't heavy truck traffic that drowns it out).
Augusta National: A Loblolly Pine some 210 yards off the 17th tee that President Eisenhower, an Augusta member, frequently hit with his drives.
Your Course: The dead pine some 10 yards off the 7th tee which your buddy Dave Eisenhower always takes a leak on.
"Today is a great day for the XFL and its dozens to possibly even scores of fans," said the league founder. "Now these much deserving players will have a signed Polaroid of themselves on the wall behind the snack counter next to all the former greats who were privileged enough to grace the hallowed grounds of wherever we played the games."
"I never thought I'd see this day," said former Las Vegas Outlaw running back Leroy Collins. "My picture up on the wall next to greats like Big Sexy and He Hate Me and, um Carl, is it? I wanna say Carl. Anyways, it's a great feeling."