Pretty much just wipe well whenever you do anything, okay? (via Total Pro Sports)
"He is an incredibly lazy man," said his wife, Juliana. "He hasn't gotten out of bed more than once or twice since the day he quit and he keeps having food delivered directly to the bedroom. There is a huge pile of empty takeout containers and pizza boxes all over him. He is using empty lo mein containers as a bed pan when he even uses a bed pan."
Juliana says she is only guessing that her husbands weight is 675 pounds, as he broke the bed yesterday and, according to the manufacturer's website, the bed is made to hold no more than 670 pounds.
"That was yesterday and he's getting fatter by the day," she said. "Even if he does get the motivation to move, I don't think he'll fit out of the doorway anymore. We'll have to get a crane and take him out our big bay window."
And Ramirez, who frequently jogged after balls in the outfield and didn't run out ground balls, is showing no signs of becoming more active in his retirement. This morning he had several flatscreen televisions installed on the ceiling above his bed so he didn't have to strain to bend his neck and place it on a pillow to see his TV on the wall.
Well done. That should be worth at least one theatre credit.
"Brian really was the definition of a 12th man this year," said Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau. "He sat at the end of the bench, rarely got to remove his warm-ups and, in the few instances he actually got into a game, made no impact other than providing the fans some laughs with his awkward and error-prone play."
Scalabrine played 28 games in the 2011-2012 season, starting none, and averaged 4.4 minutes played in those 28 appearances with 0.8 rebounds per game, 0.5 assists per game and a 0.1 scoring average for 32 total points on the season.
"I don't like to base my votes on awards completely off of stats," said TNT broadcast Ernie Johnson. "But you can't overlook what Brian did not do this year. He was completely worthless. A true 12th man. He deserved this I want to say honor? But that doesn't sound right. He deserved this recognition. Let's go with that."
NoFriends would have worked, too. (via Total Pro Sports)
A heavy bag would kill them both.