News BREAKING: Rex Ryan About to Say Something
The source cites the fact that Ryan has contracted his cartoonishly large stomach and filled his lungs with enough breath to conceivably pass through his vocal chords, an evolutionary process generally befitting a human being who is about to form sounds, as evidence that Rex Ryan is about to say something. As to why it's assumed the content of his speech will be asinine in nature, the source referenced the fact Rex Ryan is a f—king idiot who says stupid things literally all the time.
Speculation has already begun over what exactly Ryan is going to say. According to an ESPN.com InstaPoll, 20-percent of those questioned feel he'll make a baseless prediction regarding the Jets' success in the upcoming season, with 35-percent predicting he'll continue his long-standing tradition of launching into an expletive-laden tirade about something no one even asked him about. The remaining 45-percent assume he'll insult an opponent who has enjoyed infinitely more success than Ryan has up to this point in their respective NFL career.
Opinion The 8 People You'll See At Every Minor League Baseball Game
The Local Celebrity
At a Yankees or Dodgers game, you might spot an international movie or TV star. At a minor league game, you'll see a celebrity with more of a local tie.
Why … is that Bob Sherman of Bob Sherman Chevrolet you just walked past entering the men's room??? It was! Supposedly he's throwing out tonight's first pitch! His toupee looks a bit more like real human hair in person than it does on his TV ads. Good for him. He's good people. You know what? Next time you need a Chevrolet, you're definitely going to Bob Sherman Chevrolet. Home of the low, low, low-low-low price guarantee!"
When not at the game: The Local Celebrity is getting his meals comped at some of the finest 2-star restaurants in the region.
The Drunk
Could The Drunk go to a major league stadium and get wasted and yell at the players? Sure. And he has. But major league stadiums charge $20 for parking and $8 for beers. In the minors, it's $5 for parking and $6 beers. Minor league drunkenness is the purer, more cost-effective form of public intoxication while watching our nation's pastime. Plus, fewer minor league stadium security staffers have tasers, so when he runs on the field … THERE HE GOES! WOOOOOOOOO! YES! TASE HIM! WOOOOOOOOO!
When not at the game: Per court orders, The Drunk is staying 1,000 feet away from all local schools. Usually.
News Kansas City Chiefs Become the First Professional Sports Team to Announce It's Gay
"We just felt the time was right," said team owner Clark Hunt. "American society has thankfully become more open to gays, but there is still pushback in sports. It is our hope that this announcement can open dialogue in sports and encourage other teams and players to come forward."
The franchise says it has known they are gay for years.
"Back in the mid-60s or so we when we were only a few years old we started having conflicting feelings about the Raiders," said former quarterback Len Dawson. "But I'm not sure we really even knew what gay was back then. And if we did, it wouldn't have been accepted in a state like Missouri."
The Chiefs say they hope their admission dispels some gay stereotypes.
"Everyone knew that this would happen in the sports world one day — that someone would come forward," says running back Jamaal Charles. "But I think people thought that if a team would do it, it would be some soccer team from the coasts. But we're an NFL team, we're tough, we're macho, we're from the Midwest … and we are very, and proudly, gay."
Link Dress Dwight Howard Up In His Next Job Uniform
Maybe he'll quit basketball and put his college degree to use.
Picture Lebron's O-(My God I Got Kneed in the Junk) Face
Looks like the City of Cleveland has a new official logo.
