Just think what that helmet would sell for.
"I'm telling you, I don't like these people," Barkley said during an interview on a Dallas sports talk radio station. "And some of the female ones are hot. Real hot. The kind of women I'd normally have sex with in a bar bathroom or nail out behind an Applebee's against a dumpster. But I don't know anymore."
Barkley infamously got arrested for a DUI in late 2008 while racing to get oral sex from a woman he had met an a Scottsdale, Ariz., bar, but he said today that if that incident occurred with a Heat fan, he could never forgive himself.
"That would be a personal low," said Barkley. "I can just see the headline: 'Charles Barkley Gets a DUI Going to Have Sex with a Heat Fan.' It could be the end of my career. I have never believed I'm a role model, but I also don't want kids thinking it's not shameful to have sex with these people."
"Many people have said that being stripped of the national title is a toothless measure," said NCAA president Mark Emmert. "So we wanted to hit them where it hurts. USC players: remember all of those hot co-eds you hooked up with in college? It was great, right? Now stop remembering it. You got that ass fraudulently."
Former USC quarterback Matt Leinart said it will be difficult to follow the NCAA's directive.
"In trying to forget everything, it actually brought back a lot of the memories," he said. "Man, I hooked up with a lot of chicks back in college. I mean a ton. And almost all of them were incredibly hot. Wow. I don't know how I ever even made it to class. What memories. I'm so glad I have them because I don't have much positive going on in my life right now." Leinart then excused himself, saying: "I have to go rub one out."
Reggie Bush says he had completely forgotten that USC even won a championship while he was there.
"Trust me, when you're getting the kind of ass I was getting, some computer-generated football trophy is the last thing on your mind," he said. "I remember being pissed we even had to play that game because I had a three-way scheduled for the same time."
You don't want to be the goalie who has to man the toilet goal.
The life of the rich and powerful seems glamorous. Money, fame, women. But it's also very easy to have pictures of your junk plastered all over the internet.
U.S. congressman Anthony Weiner is not the first this has happened to. Pro athletes like Santonio Holmes, Grady Sizemore, Greg Oden and Brett Favre came before him. If you are a professional athlete and have your nudie pics leaked to the Internet or accidentally tweet them out to your thousands of followers what should you do?
1. Take legal action Have your attorney contact the website that first published the photos to threaten legal action if they are not removed. The photos you took of your junk were not intended for public consumption. They were intended for the love of your life: that girl you hooked up with at the club earlier in the night. Heather. Or Shontelle. Whatever her name was. The one with the nice, fake jugs and the pierced clitoris.
2. Apologize to the public There's no use pretending the photo isn't all over the world. May as well just come out and apologize. It will make you look like a big man. (Well, even bigger man.) Follow the lead of Oden. He apologized the same day his photos hit the internet, and even tried to stay lighthearted about it with this line on 95.5 The Game in Portland: "Those pictures were taken and sent over a year and a half ago. I've definitely grown since then." No, really. He actually said that. Any PR expert will tell you: If you can apologize for your dong shots AND mention how big you are down below at the same time, you're doing it right.