It's funny until his torn ACL ends his major league dreams.
He has an uncanny combination of athleticism, flexibility, hand-eye coordination and competitiveness. But those aren't the biggest keys to the boy's success.
He was also born without a five-hole.
Yes, Chenault came into the world in 2000 as a special needs child. Born with a webbed crotch, many thought he would never live a normal life. But then one day, at age 6, he went to a local rink in the Montreal suburb of Boucherville and the rest is history.
"He struggled to skate, what with the webbed crotch," said Chenault's father, Rene, whose family carries the rare webbed crotch gene. "It's hard to take long strides. But then he went into the goal and it was magic."
"In Jose's defense, he has never failed a drug test," said commissioner Bud Selig. "On the other hand, last year at age 29 he suddenly transformed from an established turd of a player with middling home run ability into the most dominating power force the sport has seen in a decade. Sooooooooo yeah."
Bautista maintains his innocence and says he will appeal the suspension. But there is very little he can do. According to Selig, an anonymous poll was taken of everyone in baseball players, coaches, front office executives and fans and 100-percent said they believe Bautista is definitely using something, a unanimous result which triggers the allowance for suspension.
According to one player who asked to remain anonymous, he has heard rumors that Bautista is a deformed tumor that grew off of one of Barry Bonds' pec muscles, was surgically removed, incubated for a year, and then placed into the middle of Toronto's lineup.
"It seems unlikely, I suppose," said the player. "But where else did he come from? The Pirates? That's absolutely ridiculous."
"Hey, I get it guys. I used to ride snow surfboards."
The writer probably has a good lede comparing abusing the defense to child molestation.
How deep is your love
I really need to learn
Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me
If Albert Pujols hasn't said these exact words to Cardinals GM John Mozeliak about getting a new contract, he needs to right away before the "world of fools" "break them down." (coughCubsGMJimHendrycough)
Plus, the Bee Gees were really popular in the late '70s when Albert Pujols was in high school, so it's a perfect fit.