"I don't care too much about fashion or how things look," said Durant, of the fanny pack he has been wearing in recent games. "I just want my clothing and accessories to be comfortable and useful," he added, unzipping his fanny pack to get some chapstick.
Durant's in-game fanny pack in which he carries tissues, mints, aspirin, his cell phone, wallet, a Swiss army knife, pen and notepad, and a pocket-size book of Sudoku puzzles has been the talk of the league since he began wearing it last week. The pack, an item most often used by uncool, middle-aged dads, has also forced the NBA to contemplate banning their use during games.
"We never listed fanny packs in the uniform code because we couldn't conceive of there being an NBA player so uncool to even consider wearing one," said NBA commissioner David Stern. "Even I don't wear a fanny pack when I take my grand kids to the zoo and look at me! I'm probably one of the lamest people there is."
The thrill of victory, the agony of your teammate's cleated foot in your face.
Opinion 7 NBA Playoff Pickup Lines
The only thing worse would be if Detroit made a Detroit Lions car.
"I have seen many athletes who have blown through their money and been left destitute, but never have a I seen anything quite as bad as this," says veteran sportswriter Frank Deford, who saw the horse's living space at the Preakness Stakes in Baltimore. "Animal Kingdom has lost all dignity. He just defecates right onto the floor of his small enclosure. He doesn't even seem to care if people are watching. I haven't seen that since I visited Lawrence Taylor for a story a few years ago."
Yet the thoroughbred's trainer insists that Animal Kingdom is perfectly happy in its current conditions.
"I don't believe in pampering athletes," said Graham Motion, who has trained Animal Kingdom from birth. "Not having every luxury met builds toughness and makes them competitive. Also, and this is probably an even bigger part, it's a horse. It's just a large, fast, dumb animal. Especially the dumb part. Did you know that they just take dumps while walking along, like nothing is happening? Even dogs try to have some privacy. Horses are idiots."
From @ShannonBrown AKA Los Angeles Lakers guard Shannon Brown
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