He's "kicking ass like Jim Kelly." Congratulations?
It's funny because it's true.
Opinion What Pro Sport Should You Play?
He probably does this on orders from Charles Barkley.
"You watch that show and you hear all about momentum and torque and velocity and fancy science words like that," said evangelical leader Dr. James Dobson. "But, first of all, even if those things do exist, they were invented by our Creator. And, second, there is a place and a need for what science can't answer about sports. Like how good and evil and the inspired Word of God impacts, say, Lebron James dunking. When he dunks, it is only by the grace of God. There is no denying that."
"Sport Faith," which will initially run during telecasts of televangelist Pat Robertson's "700 Club," will focus in its debut episode on Yankees closer Mariano Rivera, who is baseball's active leader in saves.
"Mariano chose not to participate, so we mainly just talk about how he is fine if you want saves on Earth," said Dobson. "But if you truly want to be saved, no pitcher can help you. Jesus Christ is the greatest closer of all-time."
Picture Buttholes: The Baseball Jersey
No matter how many records he sets, "Pujols" will always = tee-hee.
#1 The Official Equipment Guy
You don't know exactly what his salary is, but it's apparently more than yours. Or, if he does make what you make, he is spending 90-percent of his income on softball equipment. He's got several top-of-the line bats, a brand new glove, two batting gloves, cleats, baseball pants, moisture-wicking performance apparel under his uniform, wrist bands and an expensive bag to keep it all in. Estimated retail price: way, way, way too much for a softball league that has a grand prize of a $14 plastic trophy.
It's all well and good, though, as long as this guy isn't control of any sort of budget at work. If he is, expect your company to go under by the end of the year, just after his $400,000 remodel of the reception area is completed.
#2 The Injury Machine
He has yet to make it through a single game without suffering a major injury. Sprained ankle, torn hamstring, broken finger. There was even that time he got attacked by a swarm of bees in center field. Cal Ripken played 2,632 consecutive games against the greatest competition in the world; this guy can't even make it through 7 innings against Davis Refrigeration.
And while his injuries hurt the performance of your softball team, it's even worse at work. Good luck impressing a prospective client when this guy hobbles into the meeting covered in open sores.