Picture The Cubs Fail at Everything
It will take them more than 100 years to fix that.
June 3, 2011 Column
Tweet of the Week
Shane Battier's Musical Tastes Are Pretty Hardcore for a Duke Grad
Video Kid Becomes Motivational Speaker Upon Learning How to Ride His Bike
With some PEDs, he'll win the Tour de France in no time.
News 14 Year-Old Wins National Spelling Bee by Correctly Spelling "LOL"
Tompkins' winning spelling came after 25 rounds in which spellers were given traditionally difficult Spelling Bee words without success, then easier two-syllable words and, finally, simple, one-syllable words such as "cat," "go" and "me". But America's best and brightest students failed on every attempt.
"I am so embarrassed for our country," said Jacques Bailly, the competition's official word pronouncer. "I wish it wasn't televised and broadcast throughout the world. Now everyone knows how stupid we are."
The competition was almost won in the 23rd Round when the word list was dumbed down to two-syllable words. Mark Peerman of New Jersey was given the word "hater" and spelled it "h-8-r". After huddling for several minutes, judges decided to not give him credit.
"At that point we still had some hope and we didn't want to be reduced to accepting a word with a number in it as the winning attempt," said Bailly. "What really sealed my decision was when we were discussing our ruling and I looked up and the kid was picking his nose and eating his boogers while stupidly giggling to himself."
Opinion The First Annual Athlete Spelling Bee
- Bee Master
Welcome to the 2011 Athlete Spelling Bee. Let's get started. Mr. Chad Ochocinco, you are first to go.
- Ochocinco
I'm ready.
- Bee Master
Okay. Your word is "shaking".
- Ochocinco
"Shaking". Can you use it in a sentence?
- Bee Master
"I am shaking my damn head."
- Ochocinco
Shaking. S-.
- Bee Master
Wait. You're done?
- Ochocinco
Yes. Shaking is spelled "S". And for extra credit, "my damn head" is spelled M-D-H.
- Bee Master
You are wrong. Next speller. Ben Roethlisberger?
- Roethlisberger
Hit me.
- Bee Master
Your word is "no".
- Roethlisberger
No. Y-E-S. No.
- Bee Master
Wrong. Very wrong. Tim Tebow? You're next.
Video Female Phillies Fan Unsure if Her Armpits Reek
From experiences with Philadelphia fans, I guarantee they stink.
Column
Overheard ...
The Gym: Issue #15
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.
Probably the most humiliating moment of my life happened at the gym.
It was in college and I was using the gym on campus. It was a Sunday afternoon and I decided to go to the gym because my girlfriend was hungover from a night out were her friends the night before. I worked in on the bench with another guy who was lifting alone and we got to talking. He goes into a story about his escapades out the night before and tells a story of this hot girl he hooked up with and how it led to a three-way. I wasn't interested, but whatever.
It turned out, based on his descriptions — specifically of piercing and also of a clover tattoo right beside the one girl's uh … area — that he had a three-way with my girlfriend and her roommate.
So, yeah, we broke up. She had no idea how I knew about what had happened. I just told her "I know a lot of stuff." I think it sounded less creepy at the time.
- Dan
