"I was watching SportsCenter and they showed a hockey highlight and suddenly I had this weird feeling, like I had lost my keys or something," said Peterson. "After an hour or so, I realized what it was: I hadn't seen or heard of the Trackers in months!"
Peterson worked part-time as the Thrashers mascot, Thrash, for the last 11 years.
"I honestly didn't notice anything until just now," he said. "And, now that I think about it, I haven't gotten a paycheck in a while. But I went to the arena today to investigate further and I didn't notice a difference in the crowd. I think that's why their move has slipped under the radar. And also because the vast majority of Atlanta residents never even knew that the Tacklers existed. I guess you could say I was their one diehard, contractually."
SEC = Jocks
Description: They only care about sports. The only reason they attend any classes is to stay eligible to play sports. They're pretty much the dumbest people in the entire school. But, to their credit, they don't even try to pretend that they care about academics. And as long as they win and avoid felony charges, the administration is happy to cheer them on and make them the most celebrated people in town.
Favorite School Activity: Excluding sports? Bullying.
Post-Graduation Plans: Attending an SEC school.
Fun Fact: You can use your hands in soccer to fire a fake gun.
The move saddened Vikings fans, but most said they were not surprised or angry at Peterson for his decision.
"He is one of the best players in the game," said one Vikings season ticket holder. "For years he has patiently waited to have a good team built for him and it hasn't happened. In fact, things have gotten worse. He didn't really have another option."
Peterson isn't sure what he'll do yet in Los Angeles.
"I may start my own NFL team here, I may join a flag football team, who knows," he said. "At the very least, I'll stop losing every week and I may be able to surround myself with some people who have half my talent for a change."
That's pretty tough for a man in a visor.
Description: He pretends he's there just to help out and do whatever the head coach needs, but he really volunteered to push for his son to get more playing time from the inside.
Catchphrase: "Hey, Eric. Show coach that move I taught you last night in the living room."
Description: The Parrot only makes $35/week, but he knows where his cheap bread is buttered the head coach gave him his job and continued employment is up to the same head coach. So The Parrot goes out of his way to be in lock step with his boss. He repeats the coach, argues against the same calls, even dresses like him. The Parrot's hero is the head coach, and his dignity can be had for a few hundred bucks and a free whistle.
Catchphrase: "[Whatever the head coach just said, only louder and pathetic.]"
He also bleeds Cardinals red.