News Blood-Spattered Kobe Bryant Insists Pau Gasol Flew Back to Spain as Soon as the Season Ended
“Yeah, I’ve heard the crazy rumors, too,” said Bryant, wiping blood off of his face with a towel while speaking to Oklahoma City police. “I guess because a few people claim they heard screams and saw me attacking Pau with an ax? I don’t know. People say crazy things. But, no, right after the game ended, Pau headed to the airport and flew home. He said he was going there forever and would never be back.”
Bryant then picked up his blood-soaked axe and held it menacingly in the direction of his teammates: “Didn’t Pau say that, guys,” Bryant said to them. “Tell the good officers.”
Bryant’s Lakers teammate, crying and in shock, nodded their heads in agreement.
Opinion "The LeBrunger Games"
EXT. AKRON, OHIO – NIGHT
A man with a creepy wig and make-up stands on a stage, as hundreds of children gather around him. He has a microphone and a giant ball with slips of paper with names of the children written on them.
EFFIE GRAY
Good evening, District 330. It’s time for the Decisioning. Which one of you will be chosen to represent your district in this year’s Dunker Games?
GRAY reaches into the ball, but before he can pull out a name, a “child” with a strange beard and strategically-positioned headband shouts out.
LeBRON EVERJAMES
I volunteer!
A hush comes over the crowd. GRAY seems confused.
EFFIE GRAY
LeBron, what is your decision?
LeBRON EVERJAMES
This is tough… in this fall, I’m going to take my talents to the Capitol and join the Dunker Games.
The crowd bursts into an angry furor, burning images of LeBRON and crying in disbelief. LeBRON sneaks away in a private train to the Capitol but promises to donate his winnings to charity. No one cares.
News Report: Thunder to be Broken Up if they Don't Win a Title This Year or Next Year or the Year After That or the Year After That
“They seem young now, but this is a young man’s game,” Presti told an Oklahoma City radio station. “If they don’t win this year or in 2013, 2014 or 2015, I’ll have to start thinking about tearing this team down and starting over. So, yes, there’s some pressure there.”
Despite being only 23 years old, Thunder forward Kevin Durant has been in the NBA for five years and is still without a ring.
“I hear the whispers all the time: ‘Is he incapable of winning the big one? Is he a choker? Will Kevin Durant never win a championship?’” says Durant. “Well, I don’t actually hear them. Because they are whispers. But I’m sure some people are saying stuff like that maybe.”
Video Father-Son Reds Fan Duo are the Greatest Baseball Players Ever
That kid is more of a phenom than Aroldis Chapman.
