Send them back to Seattle now, please.
"This has been the hardest few months of my life," said the former LSU defensive back. "Not getting arrested is exhausting. But if I can just make it through the weekend, I'll be the property of an NFL team and they'll pretty much be stuck with me."
Mathieu said he has kept himself on a sort of personal house arrest as the draft has approached, figuring it would be harder to get arrested if he stayed at home.
"But you don't realize how much trouble you can get in at your house," he said. "The Internet allows you to commit almost any crime from the comfort of your couch. Just today I ordered 300 pounds of weed from someone in Arizona. It's amazing. But I'm hoping nothing will be traced back to me until the draft is over."
#10 Comeback Player of the Year Award
The NFL, Major League Baseball and the PGA Tour all name a Comeback Player of the Year. This would be a fine award if it was always given to a player returning from a serious injury or personal tragedy. But more often than not, the Comeback Player award is given to someone who simply sucked the previous year. All this award does is remind everyone how terrible you were.
Better Award Title: Wow You Really Blew Last Year Trophy
#9 Most Improved Player Award
Better Award Title: The Congrats on No Longer Sucking Award
#8 NASCAR's Most Popular Driver Award
NASCAR's Most Popular Driver is determined by fan votes. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. has won this award every year since 2003: nine consecutive years. Earnhardt, Jr. last won a race on June 15, 2008, and has never won a Sprint Cup. Even if another driver eventually wins this award, it's forever associated with failure.
Better Award Title: Dale Junior Cup or Congratulations On Being Loved By Moron NASCAR Fans Who Will Fall In Love With Whoever Is Marketed The Most Via Cheap Plastic Collectibles No Matter How Lousy Of A Driver He May Actually Be Trophy
He's so smooth. Especially his face part.
His knees probably hated that.
"Guy, guys. Gather around and listen up," said D'Antoni, squatting down in front of his players while holding his iPhone. "'"Pau, get ur ass on the block and don't move till u get it.' Want to know who said that? Kobe. Kobe said it on Twitter. Now, Pau, get out there and do it, okay?"
D'Antoni then called his team back before player resumed.
"Oh, and guys?" he said. "I forgot. Hashtag: realtalk."
Chiefs at Jaguars
"Hey, what do you mean this is a bad game? We have Alex Smith and Andy Reid now!" a poor Chiefs fan who sadly just doesn't know any better
Jaguars at Raiders
Based on their first two opponents, it's not impossible that the Jacksonville Jaguars could start the season 2-0. It's also quite possible the Jacksonville Jaguars will finish the season 2-14. At best.
Bills at Jets
It's the Kevin Kolb-David Garrard battle America wants. No, it's the Kevin Kolb-David Garrard battle America needs.