Opinion 2013 NFL Draft BINGO!
That was Andy Reid's reaction when informed of Kansas City's final take in a six-team trade that saw the Chiefs trade the No. 1 overall pick in the 2013 NFL Draft.
"How did this happen," asked the Chiefs head coach to the rest of the front office staff. "I thought we had two first rounders and three second rounders out of this?"
No one had an explanation. An intern named Kevin eventually piped up.
"It looks like early on in the trade we did have those picks, but then they were moved on to complete other aspects of the six-team deal as were all of our other picks in every other round," said Kevin. "And we forgot to get anything back except it looks like a 7th rounder in 2015 from the Falcons."
Looks like both teams still had some energy left.
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"We don't have a specific number in mind, but we're thinking somewhere between five and seven," stated Rizzo. "We feel like it's a fair number that allows us to be competitive without shortchanging the fans, Stephen, or ourselves."
"If we want a chance at the playoffs, we obviously need to keep Stephen healthy," he continued. "But more importantly, we need him to stop losing games."
Strasburg's four losses tie him for the league lead and place him just two shy of his career high set last season when he finished at 15-6, leading the Nationals to a 98-64 finish atop the NL East standings. Thus far through the 2013 season, the National are under .500 at 10-11, behind the Braves and Mets in third place.
"All these losses are starting to wear down and take their toll on our record, and obviously our record is very important to us," said manager Davey Johnson. "We care about it. We want it to be strong not just now, but in the future. So, naturally, limiting the number of losses was the logical choice."
According to several reports, the Kansas City Chiefs plan to trade down in the 2013 NFL Draft and give up the No. 1 overall pick.
"I don't know if this is the best thing for the team to do exactly," said head coach Andy Reid. "I mainly just want to take a big dump on all the idiots who have been doing mock drafts for months. What a bunch of losers, am I right?"
The Chiefs have yet to settle on the specific deal.
"We have a lot of teams who are interested in the trade because they obviously want to get in on making the draft prognosticators look like stupid assholes," said Reid. "We'll probably pick the deal that messes up the draft order the most. A five or six-team deal would be pretty awesome."
#1 Carson Palmer 2003 No. 1 overall, Bengals
It may be hard to remember now, but Carson Palmer actually had a couple good seasons with the Bengals. He even quarterbacked them into the playoffs in 2005 and 2009 pretty heady stuff for that organization. Was he great? No. Good even? Also, no. But Cincinnati could have done worse. (Other quarterbacks taken in the 1st Round in 2003: Byron Leftwich, Kyle Boller and Rex Grossman.) And on the way out of Cincinnati, he got the Bengals two high draft picks. All in all, Carson Palmer was a decidedly sort-of-okay draft pick.
#2 LaVar Arrington 2000 No. 2 overall, Redskins
LaVar Arrington was not a bust. He made three Pro Bowls in his first four seasons in the league. Then he just sort of disappeared and was out of football by 2007. No doubt you would like more out of a No. 2 overall pick, but Arrington didn't single-handedly sink his team or anything. His career was undeniably meh.
#3 Cadillac Williams 2005 No. 5 overall, Buccaneers
Williams best season came as a rookie when he averaged 4.1 yards per carry and ran for 1,178 yards. After that he was a serviceable, but injury-prone back and was arguably not much worse than the two backs picked ahead of him: Ronnie Brown and Cedric Benson. A very C+ pick by Tampa Bay.
It's multiple layers of douche. It's doucheception.