April 14, 2011 Column
The Game: Issue #6
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.
So my girlfriend and I travel to a Redskins/Rams game in St. Louis last year. I'm a huge Redskins fan and we got seats right behind the Redskins bench and there was a pretty big concentration of Redskins fans in this section.
Right before the game starts an older couple in Rams gear sits a couple rows in front of us and is obviously already pretty drunk. In the first quarter Santana Moss catches a pass and after the play the old man stands up and yells "SANTANA MOSS ..ISN'T HE THE RAPIST?!?!" then sat back down.
A few plays later McNabb throws an incomplete pass towards Moss and the guy stands up again and yells "HE WOULD'VE CAUGHT THAT PASS IF HE WASN'T RAPING ALL THE TIME!!" To this day I still don't know if he was convinced that he was a rapist or if that was just his form of trash talk.
I spent my four years of college at the University of Nebraska, where the students' section is most of the the south end of the stadium. There is no reserved seating there, so where my buddies and my seats changed every game depending on what was open when we got in.
Freshman year, no matter when we got there, or where we sat, within 3 rows of us was the same chubby guy in his mid-40's rockin' a mullet (think Eastbound & Down) who after the National Anthem found the closest guy to him, yelled "Lets do this shit, Home-Skillet!" and raised his hand for a high-five.
Opinion If TLC Launched a Sports Channel
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It has been
since Tiger Woods last won a major. Already the whispers have started:
"Has he clinched his crown as the greatest golfer ever?"
"Is he in a slump?"
"Has the sport passed him by for good?"
as he has been, you can't discount the presence of
golf's young guns.
doubts about his character.
Augusta National: A challenging run of holes on the back 9 holes 11, 12 and 13 made famous on television by picturesque azaleas and dogwoods in bloom.
Your Course: That par-4 on the back-corner of the course that has a sharp dog-leg because the course designer ran out of real estate when the hole butted up against the interstate. On the other side of the highway there is a pentecostal church with a big, neon JESUS SAVES sign that you hear humming on the green (when there isn't heavy truck traffic that drowns it out).
Augusta National: A Loblolly Pine some 210 yards off the 17th tee that President Eisenhower, an Augusta member, frequently hit with his drives.
Your Course: The dead pine some 10 yards off the 7th tee which your buddy Dave Eisenhower always takes a leak on.
April 8, 2011 Column
Tweet of the Week
Thankfully the UConn Huskies were playing that night
From @MikeVick AKA Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick
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Description: He doesn't so much enjoy golf as he enjoys having an environment where it's acceptable to complain about women and crudely talk about sex. Leave a putt short or hit a weak drive? "Come on, Sally! You hit that like a pussy! Nice skirt! Does your husband play?" Hit a putt past the hole or crush a drive? "Whoa! Someone's wife isn't giving him enough of the poontang! Look at all that extra aggression!" Whatever The Misogynist shoots in a round, put him down for double that number on uses of the terms "old lady" and "ole' ball and chain."
Fun Fact: The Misogynist has been banned from 12 courses for trying to feel up the beverage cart girl.
The Rules Official
Description: He has read the USGA rules book two dozen times and has a copy of it in his golf bag that he will display at a moment's notice. You better not be trying to move your ball out of that mud patch in the middle of the fairway because, according to Rule 13-b(1.4), that particular mud patch, due to its lack of distinguishing marks, does not fit the criteria for "ground under repair." I mean, sure, if you want to play that way, fine. But if this was the US Open you'd be getting a significant penalty.
Fun Fact: The Rules Official received a severe beating in 8th grade after reminding his math teacher that she had forgotten to assign homework.