Opinion Definite Proof Punch-Out!!!'s Doc Louis Tried to Kill Little Mac
Boxing has been plagued by scandal throughout its history.
But this may be the biggest boxing scandal of all-time. Little Mac's trainer, Doc Louis, tried to have him killed.
Here's the evidence.
The Opponents
Doc Louis regularly scheduled Little Mac to face fighters who dwarfed the young boxer. He paid no heed to established weight classes. In the above example, note that Little Mac's entire upper body was barely the size of one of Super Macho Man's pecs.
In fact, the only character in the game who was even close to Little Mac's size was Mario, the ref. And we all know that Mario possessed skills that would destroy a mere boxer.
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The Outfits
Pink? Really? An all-pink track suit? In Brooklyn in the late '80s? Brooklyn of the '80s wasn't exactly as enlightened as it is today.
The only explanation is that Doc Louis was hoping Mac would get jumped and beaten.
Opinion 3-Step Guide on How Athletes Can Become One of the Biggest Stars in Their Sport!
Opinion The 25 Best Sports Nicknames of All-Time
#25 — Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown
Origin: Remember how your parents told you to be careful around power tools? They weren't kidding. When future MLB pitcher Brown was a young man he accidentally put his hand in his family farm's feed chopper. The chopper's blades cut off most of his index finger, and a later fall on the same hand permanently mangled the middle finger on his pitching hand.
His maimed fingers, though, turned out to be a blessing when they enabled him to put massive amounts of spin on his pitches. Hitters couldn't get balls in the air against Brown, and he won 239 games on his way to the Hall of Fame. So, the lesson here is clear: if your Major League dreams are looking improbable, try sticking your hand in a woodchipper. Can't hurt! (Outside of the excruciating pain.) This is the look you'll want to go for:
#24 — "The Flying Housewife" Fanny Blankers-Koen
Origin: The track events at the 1948 Summer Olympic Games in London got a bit more interesting when Dutch runner Fanny Blankers-Koen tied on her spikes. She was 30 years old, a mother of two children, and ready to kick some serious tail. Blankers-Koen ended up winning four gold medals at the games, which propelled her to international fame as the wife and mother who outran everyone else.
And while the picture of Fanny below may not suggest it, she was a confirmed MILTF. (A mom I'd like to do track and field with. Duh.)
Opinion Yankees Hilarity Meter: April 8, 2013
HIGH
The Yankees crushed the Indians today, dropping the Yankees Hilarity Meter from a VERY HIGH reading to HIGH. On the bright side, 35 year-old Travis Hafner had another good game, hitting a home run and driving in four runs, so expect the idiot Brian Cashman to sign him to a 4-year, $100 million deal any day now. Even with their season-high 2-game win streak, the Yankees are still only 3-4.
Oh, and the Yankees' payroll is more than $200 million.
