Opinion

2006: "Perfect storm of events" blesses Arizona with Matt Leinart

#1 – Carson Palmer — 2003 No. 1 overall, Bengals

It may be hard to remember now, but Carson Palmer actually had a couple good seasons with the Bengals. He even quarterbacked them into the playoffs in 2005 and 2009 — pretty heady stuff for that organization. Was he great? No. Good even? Also, no. But Cincinnati could have done worse. (Other quarterbacks taken in the 1st Round in 2003: Byron Leftwich, Kyle Boller and Rex Grossman.) And on the way out of Cincinnati, he got the Bengals two high draft picks. All in all, Carson Palmer was a decidedly sort-of-okay draft pick.

#2 – LaVar Arrington — 2000 No. 2 overall, Redskins

LaVar Arrington was not a bust. He made three Pro Bowls in his first four seasons in the league. Then he just sort of disappeared and was out of football by 2007. No doubt you would like more out of a No. 2 overall pick, but Arrington didn't single-handedly sink his team or anything. His career was undeniably meh.

#3 – Cadillac Williams — 2005 No. 5 overall, Buccaneers

Williams best season came as a rookie when he averaged 4.1 yards per carry and ran for 1,178 yards. After that he was a serviceable, but injury-prone back and was arguably not much worse than the two backs picked ahead of him: Ronnie Brown and Cedric Benson. A very C+ pick by Tampa Bay.

LOW

Despite starting the season 1-4 and continuing to run out a lineup night after night featuring washed-up former stars and unknown retreads, the Yankees are now 11-8 after beating David Price and the Tampa Bay Rays. People are going to be able to make the case soon, if it hasn't started already, that a team with a payroll of more than $200 million is "scrappy" and plays with "heart." Ugh.

At least it sounds like Robinson Cano will get busted for steroids soon, so that's encouraging.

Load up on one position in the draft so you have depth, giving you the luxury of abusing your starter to the point of serious injury.

- – - – -

The worst thing about rookies is their immaturity. So, when possible, draft players who are pushing 30.

#10 – Comeback Player of the Year Award

The NFL, Major League Baseball and the PGA Tour all name a Comeback Player of the Year. This would be a fine award if it was always given to a player returning from a serious injury or personal tragedy. But more often than not, the Comeback Player award is given to someone who simply sucked the previous year. All this award does is remind everyone how terrible you were.

Better Award Title: Wow You Really Blew Last Year Trophy

#9 – Most Improved Player Award

The NBA's Most Improved Player Award is similar to the Comeback Player of the Year Award of the NFL, MLB and PGA, only you're completely disqualified if you've ever had a good season previously. Winning this award confirms that up until the most recent season, you were pretty much a bust.

Better Award Title: The Congrats on No Longer Sucking Award

#8 – NASCAR's Most Popular Driver Award

NASCAR's Most Popular Driver is determined by fan votes. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. has won this award every year since 2003: nine consecutive years. Earnhardt, Jr. last won a race on June 15, 2008, and has never won a Sprint Cup. Even if another driver eventually wins this award, it's forever associated with failure.

Better Award Title: Dale Junior Cup or Congratulations On Being Loved By Moron NASCAR Fans Who Will Fall In Love With Whoever Is Marketed The Most Via Cheap Plastic Collectibles No Matter How Lousy Of A Driver He May Actually Be Trophy

Week 1

Chiefs at Jaguars

"Hey, what do you mean this is a bad game? We have Alex Smith and Andy Reid now!" – a poor Chiefs fan who sadly just doesn't know any better

Week 2

Jaguars at Raiders

Based on their first two opponents, it's not impossible that the Jacksonville Jaguars could start the season 2-0. It's also quite possible the Jacksonville Jaguars will finish the season 2-14. At best.

Week 3

Bills at Jets

It's the Kevin Kolb-David Garrard battle America wants. No, it's the Kevin Kolb-David Garrard battle America needs.