December 3, 2012
11:00 a.m. – Wakes up and for breakfast eats an entire container of fattening whipped cream off of the body of the model laying beside him.
Opinion A Day-in-the-Life of Fat Derek Jeter
11:10 a.m. – Is so lazy he just lays underneath the model while she has sex with him.
11:30 a.m. – Takes nap while the late-morning model shift changes.
12:00 p.m. – Asks new model if his penis is still there, because he hasn't seen it lately thanks to his "huge gut." New model makes him aware of its existence.
12:30 p.m. – Finally gets around to bathing, but just sits there yawning while receiving a tongue bath from the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.
1:00 p.m. – Lazily has a chauffeur drive him to an exclusive lunch spot.
1:30 p.m. – Is immediately seated, possibly because he doesn't have the strength to stand there and wait for a table.
1:35 p.m. – Has two appetizers and three waitresses.
Opinion The Crappiest Fantasy Football Team in America: Week 12
Submitted by reader Matthew R. …
