Opinion If Your Office Issued Daily Injury Reports
OUT: David (flu), Kevin (hungover), Denise ("flu," but probably has an interview), Rick ("flu," but voice sounded way fake on his voice mail), Katie (personal day (explosive diarrhea?)), Luke (mental health day), Amy (huge zit between her eyes), intern (another abortion).
QUESTIONABLE: Mary (runner in her pantyhose), Felix (thinking of playing golf today since it's unseasonably warm), Jon (all his clothes are dirty), Sharon (cankles), Wanda (struggling to think of a reason to get out of bed), Darryl (sick, but knows he's close to getting fired as is and can't push it), Jen (is having, like, the worst day ever), Ryan (major herpes flare up).
PROBABLE: Roger (drunk), Dan (sick, but doesn't have high-speed internet at his apartment and wants to check out some stuff on YouTube), Lisa (flu, but could apparently give a crap about the rest of us), Bill (home life is terrible), boss (might accompany the intern to her abortion, but probably not).
Opinion Suggested College GameDay Sign of the Week
ESPN's College GameDay is in Columbia, Missouri this week for Oklahoma vs. Missouri.
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October 22, 2010 Column
Handicapper
Week 7
Handicapper runs every Friday on SportsPickle during the NFL season.
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1:00 p.m. ET
Pittsburgh at Miami (+3)
And now, poetry from everyone's favorite sensitive linebacker, James Harrison:
So deep and heartfelt, James. Well done.
My pick: Pittsburgh
Philadelphia at Tennessee (-3)
Andy Reid after last week's win: "This is a beautiful thing. When you're sitting here as a chubby head coach in the National Football League and you have two good quarterbacks, you're a happy guy."
A chubby guy? Come on, Reid. You tried to be self-deprecating and instead came off as someone in deep denial. You, sir, are morbidly obese. In fact, let me compare you — to scale — to someone who is actually chubby: Chubby from "Teen Wolf."
Again, to scale, and as you can see: at least 10 Chubby's make up one Andy Reid. Stop pretending we're as stupid as you are fat, Reid.
My pick: Tennessee
October 22, 2010 Column
Tweet of the Week
Maybe the LPGA should institute drug testing
From @Kstupples AKA LPGA golfer Karen Stupples …
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Opinion The 15 Most Ridiculous Sports Gadgets
#1 — The Potty Putter
Forget reading the paper or gathering your thoughts; the time you spend on the toilet gives golfers a valuable opportunity to work on their putting. The Potty Putter comes with its own putting surface, cup, and toilet-sized putter to let lavatory linksmen perfect their putts while atop the throne. (Provided they really, really struggle with two-foot gimme putts.)
The only problem here is that you probably won't be able to sit on a toilet with your pants around your ankles and use a miniature putter when you're on an actual green, but nobody said making the Ryder Cup team was going to be easy. Lugging a toilet for 18 holes seems like a small price to pay to curb all those double bogeys.
#2 — Jumpsoles
You see, Jumpsoles shift your body weight onto your calves while conveniently also making you look like an idiot with giant, mutant shoes.
Don't take our word for it, though. Check out this commercial. Who needs Kobe Bryant jumping over an Aston Martin when you can have some random kid bounding over a 1999 Honda Accord?
