Opinion

1. Flowchart: What Pro Sport Should You Play?

2. The 15 Fans At Every Sporting Event

3. 12 Patented Athlete Sex Moves

4. If Madden Player Ratings Were More Detailed

5. 10 High Schools With Better Team Names Than Your High School's

Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010…

You unretired. Again. Got busted for trying to cheat on your wife. Played truly awful football. Saw your consecutive games streak end. And got fined by the NFL.

That was all just this NFL season. You, of course, kicked off 2010 by throwing one of the worst interceptions in playoff history to keep the Vikings out of the Super Bowl. There really wasn't a news cycle that went by this year that didn't include some sort of new and humiliating story about you. Normally it would be mean-spirited to laugh at so much misfortune heaped upon one person. But here's the thing: everyone hates you. That's the one thing you achieved in your final return to the NFL: you managed to become despised by 100-percent of the U.S. population.

For 20 years we heard constantly how you played "like a kid out there." This year you gave us the gift of childlike laughter — full of purity and joy — as we laughed at you. Thanks, Brett. Maybe you're not all bad after all.

Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010…

According to various studies, the average person reads 225 words a minute. Some can obviously read more. Some, of course, read less. But most everyone falls in a range of 200 to 250 words a minute. What that means is that by the time you have finished reading this paragraph — this paragraph that contains 120 words — Louisville head basketball coach Rick Pitino could have had sex twice with some random woman on a table at an upscale Italian restaurant while one of his assistants sleeps on the floor within earshot of the happy couple. Larry Bird is not coming through that door. Kevin McHale and Robert Parish aren't coming either. But Rick Pitino is. Down his pants leg. And fast.

Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010…

Every four years the World Cup is held and serves as a celebration of the sport by billions around the world. It's also a high-profile opportunity to win over the unconverted.

That's what happens at most World Cups.

Whereas the 2010 World Cup was mainly about loud, plastic horns. We learned that these annoying noisemakers — called vuvuzelas — were an African tradition. You see, hundreds of years ago when the continent was still filled by warring tribes, the vuvuzela was blown when a tribe's territory was breached. The sound of the vuvuzela would annoy the invaders away and peace would be restored. (Why were they being invaded in the first place? Probably in hopes of learning how to make plastic centuries before it was developed in the West.)

Fast-forward to the Summer of 2010 and South Africans chose to celebrate their annoying plastic horn heritage at the World Cup. And while it was indeed quite annoying, it also united the world in the hatred of the vuvuzela in a way soccer never has.

For one month this summer we truly became one world. One world holding our ears.

And while it was a magical time, I think we all hope that the vuvuzelas will go away forever and that we can again enjoy the true soundtrack of international soccer: hate-filled, racist, xenophobic, nationalistic chanting interspersed with gasps from the crowd as a player misses a shot.

Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010…

Tiger's humiliating downfall began at the end of 2009. But it was in 2010 that he truly hit rock bottom with sex rehab, the press conference, the divorce and the being mediocre at golf.

And while all that was bad, the true bottom for Tiger Woods came on April 10, 2010, when, according to Internet research firms, 100-percent of e-mails sent that day were Tiger Woods joke forwards. Yes, the man who just months before was seen as the perfect athlete on and off the course was the subject of an e-mail forward from your Aunt Cindy that included 17 golf/sex euphemisms.

But that e-mail forward from you Aunt Cindy also began Tiger Woods' comeback. Every possible joke about him had been made. Tiger Woods jokes quickly became groan-inducing — like a Perkins waitress with a big rack. (See?)

Farewell, 2010. And farewell to Tiger Woods-as-punchline. In 2011 we want to see you wiggle your shaft, grab your balls and put it in the hole again and again on the way to a 69. And we won't even laugh. We promise.

Scene: The living room of the Manning Family home in New Orleans, Christmas morning. The Manning Family is gathered around the Christmas tree.

1. Eli

   Gee, thanks for my Sponge Bob knapsack, Santa!

2. Archie

   Okay, kid gift time is over. What did you get me?

3. (Peyton and Eli pick up a big box from under the tree and place it at their father's feet.)

4. Archie

   Wow! It's huge!

5. Cooper

   I chipped in for the paper and the bow.

6. Archie

   Who are you again?

7. Cooper

   Cooper. Your oldest.

8. Archie

   My oldest what? Failure?

9. Cooper

   No … son.

10. Archie

    Shut up, failure.

11. Cooper

    Yes, sir.

12. (Archie excitedly tears into the package and opens up the top of box. He pulls out a sweater.)

13. Archie

    What the? What is this? A f—king sweater?

14. Peyton

    Yeah, dad. We thought it would look good on you. You know, for TV. I got it at the best men's clothier in all of Indianapolis!

15. Archie

    Indianapo-? … let me tell you little turds something. I don't even like football, okay? I played it for you. I went to college for you. I toiled for years for that piece of crap Saints franchise for you. I learned all about the game for you. So one day I could raise two sons, teach them everything about the game, and they could go on to become the two highest-paid players in the NFL. Why? So they would be super rich and I could get some kickass Christmas gifts.

16. Cooper

    Umm … three sons, dad.

17. Olivia

    Shut up, Cooper. Your ashamed father is talking.

#1 – Baseball

What you need: Roll of duct tape ($3).

How to make it: Form the tape into a ball.

Give the gift: Tell the recipient that it's a baseball.

They may say something like: "What? This is just a ball of duct tape."

To which you can then respond: "Ohhhhhh. I'm sorry. Some of the greatest baseballs players of all-time learned the game playing in the street with balls made of rags or tape. But I forgot: you're so much better than them! I'll run right out and get you a baseball that meets your needs. Do you want me to get one that has the seams stitched with gold thread? Will that suffice, fancy boy? Or does your personal coach supply all of your equipment?"