Opinion

Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010…

Every four years the World Cup is held and serves as a celebration of the sport by billions around the world. It's also a high-profile opportunity to win over the unconverted.

That's what happens at most World Cups.

Whereas the 2010 World Cup was mainly about loud, plastic horns. We learned that these annoying noisemakers — called vuvuzelas — were an African tradition. You see, hundreds of years ago when the continent was still filled by warring tribes, the vuvuzela was blown when a tribe's territory was breached. The sound of the vuvuzela would annoy the invaders away and peace would be restored. (Why were they being invaded in the first place? Probably in hopes of learning how to make plastic centuries before it was developed in the West.)

Fast-forward to the Summer of 2010 and South Africans chose to celebrate their annoying plastic horn heritage at the World Cup. And while it was indeed quite annoying, it also united the world in the hatred of the vuvuzela in a way soccer never has.

For one month this summer we truly became one world. One world holding our ears.

And while it was a magical time, I think we all hope that the vuvuzelas will go away forever and that we can again enjoy the true soundtrack of international soccer: hate-filled, racist, xenophobic, nationalistic chanting interspersed with gasps from the crowd as a player misses a shot.

Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010…

Tiger's humiliating downfall began at the end of 2009. But it was in 2010 that he truly hit rock bottom with sex rehab, the press conference, the divorce and the being mediocre at golf.

And while all that was bad, the true bottom for Tiger Woods came on April 10, 2010, when, according to Internet research firms, 100-percent of e-mails sent that day were Tiger Woods joke forwards. Yes, the man who just months before was seen as the perfect athlete on and off the course was the subject of an e-mail forward from your Aunt Cindy that included 17 golf/sex euphemisms.

But that e-mail forward from you Aunt Cindy also began Tiger Woods' comeback. Every possible joke about him had been made. Tiger Woods jokes quickly became groan-inducing — like a Perkins waitress with a big rack. (See?)

Farewell, 2010. And farewell to Tiger Woods-as-punchline. In 2011 we want to see you wiggle your shaft, grab your balls and put it in the hole again and again on the way to a 69. And we won't even laugh. We promise.

1. Eli

   Gee, thanks for my Sponge Bob knapsack, Santa!

2. Archie

   Okay, kid gift time is over. What did you get me?

3. (Peyton and Eli pick up a big box from under the tree and place it at their father's feet.)

4. Archie

   Wow! It's huge!

5. Cooper

   I chipped in for the paper and the bow.

6. Archie

   Who are you again?

7. Cooper

   Cooper. Your oldest.

8. Archie

   My oldest what? Failure?

9. Cooper

   No … son.

10. Archie

    Shut up, failure.

11. Cooper

    Yes, sir.

12. (Archie excitedly tears into the package and opens up the top of box. He pulls out a sweater.)

13. Archie

    What the? What is this? A f—king sweater?

14. Peyton

    Yeah, dad. We thought it would look good on you. You know, for TV. I got it at the best men's clothier in all of Indianapolis!

15. Archie

    Indianapo-? … let me tell you little turds something. I don't even like football, okay? I played it for you. I went to college for you. I toiled for years for that piece of crap Saints franchise for you. I learned all about the game for you. So one day I could raise two sons, teach them everything about the game, and they could go on to become the two highest-paid players in the NFL. Why? So they would be super rich and I could get some kickass Christmas gifts.

16. Cooper

    Umm … three sons, dad.

17. Olivia

    Shut up, Cooper. Your ashamed father is talking.

#1 – Baseball

What you need: Roll of duct tape ($3).

How to make it: Form the tape into a ball.

Give the gift: Tell the recipient that it's a baseball.

They may say something like: "What? This is just a ball of duct tape."

To which you can then respond: "Ohhhhhh. I'm sorry. Some of the greatest baseballs players of all-time learned the game playing in the street with balls made of rags or tape. But I forgot: you're so much better than them! I'll run right out and get you a baseball that meets your needs. Do you want me to get one that has the seams stitched with gold thread? Will that suffice, fancy boy? Or does your personal coach supply all of your equipment?"

1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.

1 In those days the athletic director issued a decree that the coach must start winning and soon. 2 (This was the first such demand since he was hired to replace the AD who had hired the coach.) 3 And everyone went to message boards to spread rumors.

4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

4 So the coach went up from the football office on campus in the middle of the state to the high school of David, because he had a good relationship with the head coach of the team there, David. 5 He went there to talk with the Mary, whose son played for the school and was a very athletic child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the boy to play, 7 and she cheered him on, her son. And she stressed to the coach that they had no clothes, and that they were going to get evicted and there was no room for them at the inn.

1. Rex Ryan

   Hey, Nick. Good to see you. How you doin'?

2. Nick Folk

   Good, coach. What's up?

3. Rex Ryan

   Well, son, it's my job to always improve this team and I've thought of an idea that can help you.

4. Nick Folk

   Great! Let's hear it.

5. Rex Ryan

   Well, you have a very strong foot, right?

6. Nick Folk

   I guess so. And thanks for the compliment.

7. Rex Ryan

   Sure thing. But how strong is it really? Do you know that I've never seen your foot? And I mean your bare foot. I bet it's very muscular, isn't it? And I bet it's all glistening with sweat, too. Isn't it?

8. Nick Folk

   Sure, I suppose. I mean, as feet go, it's probably more muscular than most.

9. Rex Ryan

   Oh, baby. Nick, can you take your shoes off for me right now? Socks, too.

10. Nick Folk

    Okay.

11. [He removes his shoes and socks.]

12. Rex Ryan

    Ohmigod. Ohmigod. They're so hot.

Tip #1 – Wear jerseys.

Make sure you choose someone who will be on the team for a very long time (or at least the duration of your fandom). You don't want some weird mid-season, five-team trade leaving you with the last name of your archrival's second baseman on your back.

Don't know who your team's archrival is? Don't worry! Now that you're wearing all of your official team apparel, you will be subjected to their taunts and jeers. You know that guy who just spit in your nachos and gave you the finger for seemingly no reason? Find out who his favorite team is — that's your archrival.

Bonus Tip: Check your local thrift store for some vintage team apparel. Wearing a really old shirt or jersey will make it look like you've been a fan forever. Pit stains suggest dedication.