Opinion The Matchup: DI Athlete vs. DIII Athlete
JOB
D3: working at Father's construction company
D1: "working" at "Father's" "construction company"
GIRLS
D1: dating the current Ms. Alabama
D3: once got an HJ from the Ms. Guam 14th runner-up
CLASS
D3: taking 20 credits this semester
D1: no classes, but did take 20 credit cards this semester
January 6, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Gym: Issue #4
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games, tailgates and sports bars.
A guy at my gym – I should say a dude at my gym – is a total metal head. At least he looks like he is. He has long, dark hair that is slicked back and hangs down to about his shoulders. He usually wears black boots and black jean shorts and some kind of band shirt. He would look extremely ridiculous, if not for the fact that he's pretty cut so you can't make fun of him even if you wanted to.
He always has earbuds in listening to music and sometimes you see him between sets doing air drumming like he's part of Metallica or Slayer or something. I was working near him one day and when he got up off the bench, his phone fell, pulling the ear bud cord out of the phone and suddenly blasting out of the phone was – no lie – Ke$ha.
An embarrassment to metal heads everywhere. Humans, too.
— Derek
My friend and I were just standing around talking when this kid comes up to us. Starts talking about how strong he is and shows us his biceps (you know, the way kids do) my friend doesn't even skip a beat, look at the kid's biceps and says, "Wow, looks like you've been hitting the jungle-gym."
Hilarious. Kid hasn't talked to us since.
— Jeffrey
I was going to do hamstring curls and a guy got to the machine right before I did. He asked me if I wanted to work in, but I didn't want to lay in his sweat so I just said I'd wait until he was done. He did one set and then said he was done because: "The bench hurts my new piercing." And then, if there was any confusion, gestured towards his junk.
If that was a pickup line it was the worst one ever.
— Evana
Opinion 10 Things We All Learned In Gym Class
#1 — Half of life is just showing up (and being dressed appropriately).
In every other school subject, you had to demonstrate specific skills and abilities to pass. You didn't get out of math without learning to add. You couldn't pass English if you couldn't read. No way you were getting a "C" in calculus if you couldn't … do whatever it is you do in calculus.
But for gym class you just had to show up, stand in line for roll call and be wearing a t-shirt, a pair of shorts and sneakers (sneakers that didn't have a black sole that would mark the floor!). If you had all that? Good for you, kid! You get an "A"!
#2 — Crab soccer is ideal for revenge.
What crab soccer was good for, however, was paying back any classmate you had the slightest grudge against. All you had to do was crawl over near them and unleash a powerful kick in the general direction of the ball. "Whoops! I kicked you square in the teeth! My mistake!"
And no one could prove it wasn't a mistake. You didn't get detention; you didn't even get pulled from the game. I guess the only downside was having to wash all the blood off your shoes when you got home from school.
Opinion The Wednesday Time-Wasting Discussion ...
"What supposed "sport" — golf, bowling, figure skating, etc. — is the least sport-like? (And, why, if you're so inclined.)"
Opinion The 15 Most Popular SportsPickle Articles of 2010
December 31, 2010 Column
Tweet of the Week
The 15 Funniest Athlete Tweets of 2010
Opinion 2010 Sports Punchline Honoree: Brett Favre
Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010…
You unretired. Again. Got busted for trying to cheat on your wife. Played truly awful football. Saw your consecutive games streak end. And got fined by the NFL.
That was all just this NFL season. You, of course, kicked off 2010 by throwing one of the worst interceptions in playoff history to keep the Vikings out of the Super Bowl. There really wasn't a news cycle that went by this year that didn't include some sort of new and humiliating story about you. Normally it would be mean-spirited to laugh at so much misfortune heaped upon one person. But here's the thing: everyone hates you. That's the one thing you achieved in your final return to the NFL: you managed to become despised by 100-percent of the U.S. population.
For 20 years we heard constantly how you played "like a kid out there." This year you gave us the gift of childlike laughter — full of purity and joy — as we laughed at you. Thanks, Brett. Maybe you're not all bad after all.
Opinion 2010 Sports Punchline Honoree: Rick Pitino
Taking a look at the biggest sports punchlines of 2010…
According to various studies, the average person reads 225 words a minute. Some can obviously read more. Some, of course, read less. But most everyone falls in a range of 200 to 250 words a minute. What that means is that by the time you have finished reading this paragraph — this paragraph that contains 120 words — Louisville head basketball coach Rick Pitino could have had sex twice with some random woman on a table at an upscale Italian restaurant while one of his assistants sleeps on the floor within earshot of the happy couple. Larry Bird is not coming through that door. Kevin McHale and Robert Parish aren't coming either. But Rick Pitino is. Down his pants leg. And fast.
