HomeAway.com: "Test Baby"
Message: Instead of staying in a cramped hotel room that will result in your baby's face getting smashed, rent someone's house and stay there when you're traveling. Sure, your baby may get poisoned when he gets into the unlocked cabinet with the household chemicals, but ruined insides aren't nearly as humiliating as facial injuries.
Relationship To Football: None. But a year after Tim Tebow's anti-abortion ad, it seems the NFL wanted to make the point that life begins at inception, but can easily end soon after birth.
- HomeAway.com "Test Baby" -- I love seeing a baby smash its face as much as the next guy, but let's not commercialize it
- Pepsi Max "First Date" -- nice restaurants don't serve soda in cans; nice restaurants serve wine in cans
- Chevy Cruze "Update" -- Facebook-enabled cars will give American automakers a big advantage over all of the MySpace-enabled foreign cars
- Chevy Cruze "Misunderstanding" -- the worst thing about old people is that they're too deaf to hear you tell them how worthless they are
- Motorola Xoom "Empower The People" -- what's the point of the apocalyspe if hipsters live through it?
- LivingSocial.com "Life-Changing" -- I don't need everyone knowing what website I use to live out my transvestite alternative life
- Doritos "The Best Part" -- I don't appreciate how they made sucking your co-workers fingers and smelling their pants seem weird
- Chrysler 200 "Detroit" -- Detroit jokes just seem depressing when even Detroit markets itself as dark and foreboding
- Volkswagen "The Force" -- that father is to blame if that kid now grows up and is disappointed by his lack of powers and/or watches the "Star Wars" prequels
- Every movie preview -- so I'm never seeing another movie; I wonder what these "book" things are like
Only the greatest things ever appear on SportsPickle. But among those greatest things ever are the greatest things of the greatest things.
Here's what they were in November, based on traffic numbers.
February 4, 2011 Column
Tweet of the Week
The Sacramento Pitbull Bandit has struck again
From @boogiecousins AKA Sacramento Kings power forward DeMarcus Cousins
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1. The Rooting Interest Fan
He is a diehard of one of the teams in the game and will be rooting with everything he's got. This is one of the biggest nights of his sports fandom life and he's taking it seriously.
Then, during the kickoff, someone will walk in front of the television and he'll suddenly realize he's made a grave mistake: "Oh, no. I'm surrounded by morons. This is the last place I should be watching this game."
If he lives close enough, he'll make a break for it at halftime and try to get home before the start of the third quarter to watch it on his own TV. If not, you'll find him in an upstairs bedroom, huddled close to the television. So no one walk in front of it. And because it's only a 13-inch TV and he can barely see what's happening. Should have sold that kidney for game ticket money, guy.
2. The Bitter Fan
He doesn't have a rooting interest in the game because his team didn't make it, but he is a football fan and wants to watch as much of the game as he can but he plans to be quite bitter about it. His goal is to ruin the viewing experience for the fans of the Super Bowl teams.
He will loudly say things like: "They lost to the Rams this year; they're not that good," and "At least my team's quarterback isn't a pussy," just to try to piss them off. He will ultimately fail, just like his crap team.
February 3, 2011 Column
The Gym: Issue #6
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the games.
I'm convinced that at some time during my life I will see an old man naked at the gym. I've been preparing my self mentally for several years now.
I was sitting in the sauna after a workout with three other men today. After a few minutes, two of the men left within minutes of each other. The man who remained was a naked tiny old man, probably 5 feet tall and 80 pounds, who sat on the top row of benches in a cross-legged position. But he wasn't sitting upright. He lay in his own lap with his bony arms hanging down to the next bench. I was afraid he was dead so I waited around anxiously until he moved before quickly leaving the gym.
I truly wish I hadn't seen this and no amount of alcohol can erase this memory from my mind. Trust me, I've tried I had finished my workout, showered and was blow drying my hair when, in the mirror, I spotted the reflection of an older woman, late 40s maybe, at station to my right. She had opened her towel, put one foot up on the bench and proceeded to blow dry her crotch with one of the communal hair dryers Needless to say, my hair dryer was the first thing packed for the gym every night. On the off chance I forgot it, I would go out in a Boston winter with wet hair before touching one of the communal hair dryers.
Curtis Grant: LB, #2 Overall Prospect very well-developed lower body stiffness issues He possesses magnificent size good depth .
George Farmer: WR, #3 Overall Prospect, committed to USC huge hands and powerful legs thicker extremely explosive hard .
Cyrus Kouandjio: OT, #4 Overall Prospect, committed to Auburn Massive very long giant tight end Does a nice job of using his long arms.